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chittapornswife · 6 years ago

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Bff!to Bf!Jaemin AU (on crack)

whoever reads this all, honestly, i will write u down on the list of ppl who deserve prayers bc,,, this is one huge au for absolute no reason like I wrote the first half at night while high on sugar & the 2nd part has just been continuous throughout last week. You’ll also know where the 1st half ends cause it’s like,,,, super crack-filled... anyways! hope you enjoy! (also just realized this is my longest piece...)

sidenote: thirsty for more anon, my apple pie u don't deserve this but my phone deleted half of closer pt 2 today so I'm trying to rewrite it rn but I'm sorry:(

genre: fluff x some angst word count: 5.25K warnings: explicit language, like 1 suggestive remark? type: jaemin x reader! (gender neutral)

summary: a crack au induced by my sugar high and basically you tryna find out if you like your best-friend Jaemin or not ft. NCT 2018

Imma be real WITCHU

U and Na Jaemin?

Two best-friends that don't even know they love each other?

Yuh.

Like everything y'all do is what couples do

But you'll always deny that you like each other

Because you srsly don't feel that way with him

Or well like you don't know how love or liking someone is supposed to feel like

But you associate it with that your heart is supposed to start beating fast and you're supposed to get sweaty and like butterflies and keep thinking about him and messaging him all the time and-

basically all that cute shit

but you've never felt that way around him

I mean cmon

Jaemin literally flirts with u every second of the day and does the most with skinship

Except,,,

He does that with everyone so it isn't somethin to get oooooo'ed over nor to be like blushing about

also,,

this is the dude you've seen run around the place with a pair of underwear on his head when you guys were like 9

the same dude who accidentally sharted on your bed because of diarrhea when y'all were 12

Sharted.

Nuff said

The only thing you feel around him is comfort

Like no matter what happens, you'll always be comfortable around him

You can do whatever and he can do whatever and y'all just won't flinch or bat an eye

Because it's (y/n) and jaemin

The only people closer to each other besides markhyuck

And once jaemin gets into sm and nct

You thought that everything was gonna change

Except it didn't,,,, really,,,,

Like instead of being able to freely walk around and do stuff together

Y'all gotta do it incognito or at your house or at his dorms

Most of the time y'all go to his dorm

But honestly it isn't as bad cause ur still together plus

Plus,,,,

U gain some new friends through him

Aka the other members of nct

And it's a lot of fun just with the two of you and his friends

Also,,,, speaking of nct,,,,

They think y'all are secretly dating

But don't wanna tell anyone

And I mean like who can blame them???

When you both are out here sitting on a couch, watching tv

Jaemin's head in your lap facing you

And you're running your hands through his hair

Which slowly makes the soft boi fall asleep

And the dreamies come back to the dorm to see this like

Aiggghhhtttttt

And u say y'all aren't dating?

Cute lies (y/n) cute lies

And Chenle is in the corner laughing like a pterodactyl which of course wakes up Jaemin

Who gets up and is like

“U guys ate food without me?????" >:(

"Bro, u were too passed out on (y/n) to even know lmao we still got somethin back for u cause we're actually decent human beings WHO don't go out on dates with (y/n) then bring back nothing" Renjun scoffs and walks up to y'all droppin a bag u assume has the food

"It was one time. One damn time I didn't bring back anything and that!!! Was because!!!! It was!!! Midnight!!! And yalls!!!! Lazy asses!!!! Were asleep!!!!!"

Jaemin gets off you, shooting back at a Renjun in disbelief who's like

Appalled and has that "boi u did not just say that to me" face goin on

Meanwhile Jeno hits the folks with Jisung and ur just sitting there like

“Can't we have just one normal night?"

As Jaemin and Renjun get into a battle of who brings back food to the dorms the most

And Mark pops outta no where to lecture them on their friendship

K fast forward a bit,,,,

Y'all end up eating while the dreamies head back to their rooms, leaving u two in the living room devouring the food like animals

Except jisung, who's just chillin watchin tv

And for some reason u don't know why,,, that kinda feels awkward???

Like on any other day it'd be fine if he's sitting there cause y'all ain't dating or anything

But recently,,, since you've gotten so close to all of them

It feels kinda weird when it isn't just you and Jaemin????

And you kinda panic at this thought

So u get up while Jaemin's got his arms wrapped around your waist under the blanket and resting his head on your shoulder

And he's like "????? Where u goin????"

You rack your head for any excuse and manage to blurt out

"Uhhhhhh Taeyong just messaged me that he uhhh needs my help with something. I can't rlly say right now but I'll be back."

Let's be real here

Jaemin obvs knows ur lying

Like with ur stuttering and shifty eyes like u just committed some crime

But he doesn't say anything and lays back on the couch

Cause he trusts you and knows that you'll tell him later

So for now, my man chillaxes with jisung who's lowkey sobbing over some sad soap drama and dabbing his eyes

U kinda just yeet on outta there and walk up the next floor which is 127's floor

And while you had to walk thru actual filth to get out of the dreamies dorm

You can actually see the floor here and it's so pretty????

Anyways, u knock on their door

which is instantly opened by a scholarly looking Doyoung wearing thin-rimmed circular glasses and holding a thick philosophy book

Y'all

Don't even get me started on his fit

Ok I've started

Homeboy Do is out here with a pair of dark slacks, a white button up with a pink sweater vest and to top it all off?

He's wearin duck slippers

"A pleasure to see you again (y/n), are you looking for Jaemin? He should be in the dreamies dorm unless he went out with them to eat but you'd already know that."

"I'm uh here to talk with someone."

You lowkey realize you don't know who to talk to cause they all seem like not so great options to talk with

Since you don't know them as well as the idiots on the first floor

Doyoung pushes up his glasses and looks at you with this wistful teary-eyed look saying,

"It's time."

He looks out into the hall before pulling you in then walks away over to the kitchen saying,

"Have a seat (y/n), I'll make us some tea."

But you're like "uhhhh I'm not staying for that long lol"

Cue Doyoung's head to whip faster than a possessed acrobatic sayin

"u ain't goin no where hun."

So you're like ohokcool I'll jus sit down and hope there's another 127 member here to witness my death unless they're all possessed.

Ok ya, so u sit on the couch and once he puts the water to start boiling on the stove he comes over to u

And ur hands are all sweaty and ur nervous because you wanna ask him why you don't feel as comfortable around Jaemin when you're with others

But you're also like ummmuhhhhhhyaaaerrrr can't do this shit.

Doyoung speaks first tho

bless the lord

But what he says makes u sweat more

"I take it you'd like to ask me about Jaemin?"

U nod slowly holding onto the couch wondering if he rlly is possessed and can read minds now because what

But he smiles like a proud mother, his bunny teeth showing as he chokes out emotionally,

"I've waited for this moment for so long and (y/n)"

Grabs your hands in his with his eyes shining

"I am more than glad you came to me. I am honoured you chose me and not the other dumbasses picking their noses. I am more than honoured to have you trust in me your deepest of secrets. I will help you to the greatest my child. Tell me."

"Uhhhhhh ummmm I just wanted to ask uh like so whenever I'm around Jaemin and the dreamies or other members of nct, it feels weird??? Like idk how to explain but it's awkward and uncomfortable and idk why because this just happened recently and I've never felt this way before and-"

Doyoung jumps up scaring the absolute shit outta you and shrieks, "YOU LOVE HIM (Y/N)."

Ok thx for wakin up the whole city of Seoul Dodo

But he's breathing heavily with happy tears in his eyes while you're still sitting there like

Wtf typa crack are u on I regret this v v much

At this point, Taeyong and the dudes walk outta their rooms like wtf is goin on

And they see you

and in unison they all say,

"hey (y/n)"

which highkey always freaks you out cause it's so in sync and robotic

But you wave back and gesture to crackhead heavy breathin Doyoung

Whom is instantly then taken away by Yuta & he looks at you and hits his chest with a fist, nodding like

I gotchu fam

U do the same back meanwhile nct starts sittin around you

Like taeil's grandpa ass is on da couch with jungwoo donghyuck sicheng

Basically the smol group

And johnny taeyong mark are on the floor

jaehyun's the only one lookin after the tea which ur surprised hasn't burned the place down

but the only reason why he's doin that is to send a snap to all the girls he knows like a proper fuccboi and be like

"makin food for my lazyass members again🙄 istg I'm like the only one who does this😂"

ok but back to u and 127

"So you're here to talk about Jaemin or wha?" Donghyuck speaks up

This breaks the silence and they all start sayin a "yeah" and just mumbling other stuff

Until taeyong's like "y'all shut up let em speak"

Boomin system up up😔✊🏽 bless ty, bless ty

Then the whole room falls dead silent except for Doyoung yelling at Yuta in another room about how u and Jaemin are the cutest thing ever

Jaehyun even drags his ass to where y'all are and they just stare at you

As if all 8 eyes on you aren't intimidating or whateva

but u still decide to spill

"Uh ok. Um I just asked Doyoung uh like how should I say it um,,,, I used to feel comfortable being around Jaemin and the dreamies but nowadays it feels weird and awkward and like idk-"

"Bitch u like him, nothin new, NEXT"

Donghyuck waves u off rollin his eyes

"Hoe stfu and let her speak"

Mark smacks Hyuck on the back of his head

It's all silent for a couple of seconds until Johnny speaks up

"I can't believe I'm actually gonna say this but, I agree with Hyuck." Johnny looks a 110% regretful at his own words

And the whole room murmurs a yeah

And ur like ????? "Guys I do not like his crusty dusty ass trust✊🏽"

But jungwoo's giving you the side eye like "rlly bitch? Is u rlly gon say that?"

And ur givin him the "um ya I don't like him like that" look

But he's just rollin his eyes like "k queen, u do u"

And ur boutta hit him with that "stfu hoe u don't know shit" look

But then Taeil cuts in like "tf r y'all doin with yo eyes??"

You just sigh and rub your face not knowing what to say because no matter where u go, everyone's tellin you you like him

"Why don't you just ask him if he feels that way too? Or actually, why don't you just think to yourself and see if you can go at least three days without making any contact with him." Jaehyun says

Sorry.what. Is this from Mr. Player Jung Jaehyun???

all of the guys look at him like he's gone crazy

But he just shrugs and casually goes, "What? just cause I text 24 girls doesn't mean I don't miss talking to every one of them."

And they murmur a true to which ur like ????? He legit just uttered the worst thing ever????

But you're like thinking real hard cause what if you just miss him as a best-friend???

"But y'all best-friends stay in touch a whole lot sooooo that wouldn't prove much." You say, lounging back

"But best-friends aren't up each other's asses every single second of the day. If so I'd be right up in Mark's colon by now."

"Donghyuck-" "Dude wtf-" "Man please don't-" "Not even gonna try-"

But you kind of think about it and he is somewhat right

You and Jaemin have always been in touch like almost everyday since you two have known each other

Even more so now when you can't meet up on a regular basis

So you're like "okay,

Okay I'll do it."

And all of 127's like ????? Ur actually gonna believe this kid???

But the thing is you are. Even if he has a weird way of saying things. He's right.

And that's just what you do.

You do your handshake with all of the members and yell out a "bye yuta & Doyoung!!"

Before going back downstairs to the dreamies dorm

Where Jaemin's still lounging and Jisung's nowhere to be seen

"What did u guys talk about?" He casually asks, eyes still on the tv

"Oh u know, he just needed an opinion on someone he liked and since I wouldn't give him a dumb reply like the others, he asked me for it."

"Mhmmmm." He says believing you, before patting the seat beside him for you to sit

And you oblige, letting him throw his blanket over you and snuggle closer

his familiar scent all up on you

come to think of it, y'all hang out & do skinship so much that all of your clothes smell like him

his soft breath hits your neck and u clear your mind to try to focus on what to say next

"Just say u don't wanna see his uglyass face for 3 days." Donghyuck's voice pops in your head.

"Tell him you're movin to China for 3 days" Sicheng's voice pops up now

* But ur like thinking SHUTUP Hyuck & thnk u sicheng I lov u but he won't believe it

"Just tell him you have some school thing you forgot to do and it's due in 3 days so you can't hang out or go on your phone." For some reason Doyoung's voice pops up

But it's good advice from the usually extra preppy queen

So ur like "hey, I forgot to tell you earlier but I got this dumbass assignment I gotta do and it's due in like 3 days so I gotta go back now."

You feel his soft breath stop and he gets up, looking at you

Those soft confused brown eyes, warming up your- snap out of it (y/n)

"Also," you try to look as apologetic as your grade 6 level acting skills let you,

"I won't be able to really talk to you for the next couple of days cause of that."

Jaemin pouts and cocks his head to the side

And the inner u is like "stay strong BICTH u can make it thru the puppy faces."

"Why can't I just help you with it if it's going to be so time-consuming?"

The brain cells in your head stop and are like "Boi. If u don't shut up and let this plan happen istg-"

Meanwhile ur on the outside like "It's for Science and it has to do with stuff we're learning rn so I think it'll be a burden for you to do all that with me."

He shrugs, "It's not a burden if I'm doing it for you"

Ya ok audience go wild

But ur like used to this cute shit so u just roll eyes like "aight still a no but thanks."

And he just huffs & goes back to snuggling with you

"Don't leave me aloneeeee (y/n)"

"Girl if u don't let go of me rn I'll shove you off I swear."

Jaemin lets go of you right away because he doesn't want another bruise from smackin the ground after u shoved him one time

And you ruffle his hair as a way of saying goodbye then tell him to go sleep in his room so he doesn't fall asleep in the living room for the hundredth time

Yet before you leave, you still turn off the lights so his eyes don't hurt in case he does fall asleep

Aight. Diary time!! ^^

Day 1: it's actually Friday so u go to school and finesse ur way through classes, actually mingling with ur class-mates instead of texting Jaemin what he's doing or what his plans are for the night

And you feel a bit empty but it's okay cause you get more time to think about yourself and to go out and buy some cute new clothes

Day 2: you wake up on a fresh good Saturday morning thinking

"Oooooo it's such a perfect day to go to the park with Jaemin!"

But it hits u hardcore that u can't do that

And you look rlly sadly at your phone lockscreen of you and Jaemin making ugly faces together

Then you unlock it to look at your homescreen of you and Jaemin wearing matching hoods and posing like baddies

And u sigh

But u try to encourage yourself and with the help of nct 127 in ur head, u manage to make it thru all the way till the evening

When the stars are shining bright and fun

The moon's glowing and the neon signs around you illuminating your path back to your house from the convenience store

And all you can think about is Jaemin

About why he hasn't tried contacting you, even tho u clearly told him u can't talk to him for these 3 days

About why u feel so miserable without him and it's been just a bit less than 48 hours

And about if this really points to you possibly liking him

Okay, moving on from sad hours

Day 3: this is it.

After thinking of 500 theories the other night, you've now come to the conclusion that Jaemin hates you and isn't your best-friend

Aka he was waiting to drop ur sorry ass and u gave him the perfect chance for it because

still!!! no!!!! text!!!!! from!!!! him!!!

And ur tryna act unbothered except u can't take it and go over to ur second mom's dorm

Also known as Kun

Just to eat and chill cause u have no one to spend a lonely Sunday with

And Kun literally ushers you in, petting your head and feeding you soup like you're his grandchild

The #1 reason why you love coming over to the kunwoocas dorm

"Here eat some more (y/n), you look too thin nowadays like a twig! Put some meat on those bones!!" Kun says like the ole grandma he is

"I'm way too full seriously please feed some to Lucas."

And Lucas is like "I'll take some more!!! ^0^!!!"

But Kun gives him a glare so he goes back to slurpin out of his monster sized soup bowl

Y'all finish eating pretty quickly and it's only 1pm lol so you guys minus jungwoo (because he's lazy) end up going out (hella disguised) to watch a movie

And you hate horror movies but like Kun is with you so you aren't as afraid bc u still got a mom by your side except,,,,

It doesn't feel the same without Jaemin

And it dawns on you, at the moment you sit down with a bubbling Lucas on one side and a worry-stricken Kun telling him to be quiet on the other side,

that,

You like Jaemin.

You like Na Jaemin. But he probably only sees you as his friend.

And when the movie starts,

It's all you can think about

And it hurts.

It hurts to know that when you think about his kind brown eyes, dark hair and warm smile,

The way he hugs you when he sees you or how he always manages to have 1/3 of his body touching you whenever you're with him

That you love that and you like him

And you don't know if it's love but you're certain you think about him differently than just a friend

So you tell Kun you need to go the washroom and he gets up allowing you to walk by and out of the dark theater

Once you open the doors, the dim lights hit you and you look at the line forming at the concession stand

And you notice some certain dark-haired boys standing there laughing with each other and you're like

Oh shit

Cause it's Jaemin, Renjun, Jeno and Chenle

But you remember you're disguised pretty well to the point they won't recognize you and your face is covered in a black mask too

So you kind of just linger to the side where they are and overhear their convo

"Is this movie gonna be any good?" Jaemin asks the others

"Do you really think I'd recommend a dumbass movie and try to watch it? Is this how low you think my standards are??" Renjun gives the "I am disgusted" face

Jaemin shrugs, "Don't get your panties in a twist Dumbjun, I was just asking if it's worth it to bring (y/n) to watch it."

"Speaking of (y/n)," Jeno starts off,

"Where have they been for the past 3 days?"

Jaemin rubs the back of his neck and looks at the ground

Meanwhile ur anticipating heavily about his answer from a fake plant near the concession

"They've been busy and told me I can't keep in contact for these past almost 3 days."

Chenle gasps, "What if they're moving to Alaska???? Or NORTH KOREA????"

"Chenle wtf bro. No it's just like- I mean- I get it. Like I'm not really active in school anymore so I can't understand that part but they've always been by my side through everything I'm going through so it's time I respect their decision as well."

The boys nod at this and it's finally their turn in line and as Chenle and Renjun go up to get their popcorn Jeno turns to Jaemin

And you're just on the edge of the fake tree about to fall when he asks, "So do you like (y/n) or what?"

And,,,

That's when you fall

The whole room shuts up while fortunately your wig stays on properly and you just get up, brushing off your clothes and pick up the plant like its nbd

Before speed-walking off back into the movie theater

And you wedge yourself beside Kun and just sit there holding his arm and burying your face in it from still being embarrassed

But he doesn't even mind cause it's a scary movie and he's highkey freaked out too

When the movie finally finishes its time for dinner already

So y'all go out back into the sunset almost night while Lucas is still tryna reenact the movie

"The monster was like ahsjdjdjdjdjdjdgghhh and then the girl was like 'help me someone!' but then he was like 'ahajajahhsshdhhgggg no one can help you now bitch' and just ate her."

Kun is scared shitless walking but tries to put up a front and reaches for his man bag that has pepper spray as he scans the area

Aka Kun is ready to attac

But you're like "Y'all I'm starving what should we eat?"

Lucas just shrugs but Kun snaps his fingers making u jump a bit

"I've been wanting to try out this amazing five cheese mac and cheese recipe so we can have that for dinner!"

So y'all go back to the dorms and get out of your sweaty disguises and snack on crackers and chips while Kun is dicing and shredding away

"Why aren't you hangin with Jaems today?" Lucas pops a chip in his mouth and asks u

"Uhhhhh idk? I just wanted a day to myself?"

He looks at you, the bubbly cheery jumpiness gone and a disbelieving look replacing it

"(Y/n) you've spent like your entire life with him and you're always over atleast like 6 days in a week. But now all of a sudden, you choose to spend 3 days without him?"

You freeze, stopping your hand from grabbing a cracker

"How do you know that?"

Kun starts singing in the background while Lucas shrugs once again,

"That's all he's been talking about this weekend. And I don't even spend much time with him but Chenle and Renjun have come over to tell me that it's getting annoying and they just want you to to get a room and just get together already."

Your heart beats faster at his lame words

So he did care

Jaemin actually does care about you? And has been missing you as much as you've missed him???

You jump up, a burst of adrenaline shooting through u and say to Kuncas

"I'll be right back, I've gotta see someone."

And they both know who you're talking about

Lucas grumbling a "finally." but still smiling a bit proud of bein the one to instigate u

And Kun just shakes his head with a motherly smile, proud of you and what you've become

You run outta there and down to the first floor where the dreamies are and burst in

And they're all sittin down in front of the couch and for some reason there are other random people with them?

And you're like ???????

Cause you know they're not allowed to have parties but what is this????

You don't see Jaemin in sight anywhere but you try to focus on what's in front of you first

"What is this?" You say, crossing your arms like a mom

"Uh it's just some of our school friends (y/n) why u so mad lol" Jisung replies.

You shoot the boy a glare and he looks down at the ground while you politely say,

"Hey you guys, I'm sorry but nct dream isn't allowed any non member in this dorm unless they're family or from their company so you guys have to go now."

And the ppl look kinda high and snooty and one of em even has the balls to say,

"Well who are you to them then? Last time I checked, you're just a Jaemin follower."

And stg, ur boutta get up in their face and start throwin punches when you hear a voice say,

"(Y/n)'s not following me, I'm the one chasing after them."

And who pops out of his room?

Mr. Nananana nananana Jaemin.

Lookin rlly fine for some reason???

In just a simple black hoodie and gray sweats but like okAY?????!!!!

work it hunny??????

And he comes over to you, sliding his arm around your waist as he says with no emotion,

"So why don't you and your lil friends skedaddle on outta here."

The person who shot back at u gets all red and angrily ushers the others to go with them and they leave

Meanwhile the room is super silent until Chenle starts pterodactyl laughing and gets up saying,

"Well it's been fun guys but I'm off to sleep now."

"Yep!" "Me too!" "Couldn't have said it any better!"

"Hold it." Jaemin puts his hand out,

"Clean up this mess first and remember all of you, I don't care if you're older than me or not. But never invite anyone over unless it's like what (y/n) said, got it?"

Your heart is beating like 2pm's heartbeat and you're just kinda standing still while Jaemin's hand rests comfortably on your hip making you feel some typa way

But the boys listen to him and soon enough they're gone back into their rooms most likely makin a gc and venting about u two lol

Jaemin moves so that now he's behind you, both hands wrapped around your waist and his chin resting on your shoulder as he mumbles,

"What were you doing at the movies today?"

And you're like

Well shit

He caught me

And maybe it's cause you haven't seen him in so long nor been so close that,,,

Your whole body is super aware of his warm hands and the way you feel so safe being back-hugged by him

"I uh ummmm....."

He nuzzles his head into your neck, his warm breath blowing over it as he softly says,

"I really missed you, you know? I thought you weren't going to be available today so I didn't bother messaging you. Actually that was the hardest part, stopping myself from messaging you because I didn't wanna bother you."

His lips are right on your skin as he mumbles his random thoughts

and though Jaemin's always been one for skinship, he's never had his lips on any part of your skin before

"J-Jaemin, c-can you back up a b-bit."

You feel his lips twitch and he slowly glides them across your neck mumbling a why

But he knows goddamn why

With your irregular breathing and your hands over his, he knows just why you're feeling this way

You try to wiggle out of his arms but to no avail as his grip is strong

"Jaemin you're making me sweat can you let go of me so I can breathe properly?"

He obliges and let's go and you turn around to face him to speak but he beats ya to it

"I-I like you (y/n). And I know you've been avoiding me to see if you like me too." He blushes, his neck getting red and averts his soft brown eyes to your clothes as he continues,

"The others told me about it and told me to do the same thing so I, I actually listened and tried super hard not to contact you at all. And it worked. Except,"

Jaemin stepped in closer, your faces merely inches apart as he whispered,

"I realized I can't do this anymore and that I like you, possibly even love you. And I know you feel the same, you must, after creeping on me from behind a bush."

You stand still like a deer in headlights

So he did see that then

And you can't help yourself as you crack up in laughter to get rid of this awkward feeling

But you're hardcore yelling in your brain

That lil NANA likes you

And you feel so on top of the world you don't care about anything else as you put both of your hands on his cheeks and lean in

Kissing his soft pink lips and feeling the way he freezes before snaking his arms around you

bringing you closer so that your body molds into his

"Hey did you guys- OHMYGOD. YALL THEYRE KISSING THEYRE KISSINGGGGGG!!!!!!!!"

Is what you hear and immediately you pull yourself out of Jaemin's grip and turn around to see

All of the dreamies staring at you with their phones out

Chenle snappin pics

While the others are all videoing and yellin, "WORLDSSSSSTAAARRRRRRR"

but what did you expect really?

And let's just say y'all end up being a veerrrrryyy cute couple

That everyone likes to annoy all the time but like now it's more fun for you

Cause you feel more comfortable being like this with Jaemin

And you'd think,,,

You'd think after knowing him for so long that you wouldn't feel super shy and your heartbeat would get fast

But it does

Except you're still the same with him and his clingy personality

If anything your relationship just gives him an excuse to be more clingy to you lol

But and u Jaemin?

Possibly better otp than markhyuck????.........

But u didn't hear that from me tho 🙇🏻

451 notes · View notes

foxpunk · 5 years ago

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mostly like. venting. cause even just witnessing this shit unfold has me Very shaken and also Angry and i am incapable of talking to anyone i know about this shit cause idk how to seriously talk abt my own trauma 8^) so after posting this i’ll be Off tumblr for a bit probs

dont rblg // interact if u read // trigger warnings: this is about the m*tsk* thing so…csa, sexual assault, abuse, talk of victim blaming and abuse denial

gonna get this out there, but this shit is. so upsetting. not even cause it’s abt m*tsk*, but because as a csa victim, seeing peoples’ reactions to the victim making a post about her abuse is sickening.

like?? this shit?? is not?? discourse??? this not about fucking cancel culture or whatever the fuck!! how fucking?? trivializing and cruel are you people. this is about someone having gone through multiple and extremely traumatizing things as a child at the hands of other people, ONE of whom happens to be a celebrity. this is about a living breathing human being, but it is so fucking transparent that a lot of people on here do not see the victim that way and thus are not treating her with, i dont know, basic fucking human decency.

the fact that people are treating this as just tumblr drama is cruel. the fact that people are immediately going through extreme lengths to pick at everything the op says is cruel. the fact that people are using the victim being mentally ill as an excuse to discredit everything that they say is cruel, ableist, and contributes to the culture that allows for mentally ill people to be systematically swept under the rug and easily preyed on by abusers. the fact that people are saying “its one person with no actual proof!” as their reason for discrediting her, but then go n IMMEDIATELY fucking latch onto ONE ANON claiming they were a “friend” of the victim (all of which has been proven to be false btw lmaooo) saying the victim suffers from delusions (which is, again, an ableist excuse to discredit her even if it WAS true) is so fucking telling. the fact that people are automatically on the “critical” side and/or outright disbelieving the victim after just two days is inhumane.

plus like?? it is SO OBVIOUS how all these people dont know how repeated childhood abuse fucks with you? i didnt remember what happened to me until i was like 13-15, and i didnt remember it all at once. i STILL cant remember what Exact age it happened at, all i know is i was 6 or under through the whole span of time it was happening. i still dont remember large chunks of my childhood!! trauma does that to you! shocker! our brains dont wanna remember super fucked up shit that happened to us!! who knew!!

its also supper obvious a bunch of these people DONT know SHIT how our justice and judicial system works, or how the fbi operates differently in different circumstances. and also conveniently and suddenly believe in cops (ACAB btw) in these sorts of situations but that is. a WHOLE other fucking knot of emotions in my chest that is only somewhat intertwined with this knot of emotions im letting out rn so im. not fuckin goin there lmao.

anyways if you say you support/believe victims, but don’t support/believe them if they’re mentally ill, have hazy memories of the abuse (which is literally so common especially if it happened at a young age and especially in the case of op where drugs and repeated abuse was involved), their story isn’t stereotypical, they are coming forward very “late”, they don’t go to the police directly, they don’t immediately respond perfectly to every question, or their allegation is against a celebrity you like, then you dont fucking support victims.

and even if - in some fucking statistic-bending circumstance - what the victim said was even PARTLY untrue (which a 10000% doubt lmao) it doesnt!! fucking matter!! all this shit ppl are saying is STILL ableist and STILL victim blaming and STILL a whole range of shitty!! it wouldnt change SHIT!! it doesnt absolve them of SHIT!! the fact that these ppls first actions are to discredit her through multiple different means speaks volumes of how y’all treat and think of every other victim, and is piling onto the fear every victim has about coming forward and seeking the safety/resources/support/etc we deserve.

god im just. so pissed n really shaken and its not even?? like my circumstances.

tl;dr anyone who fucking forms Opinions and Debates and Moral Judgements on anyone elses trauma - especially a complete fucking stranger - is the personification of a shitstain and they should like, die maybe idk

i hope op gets the space n care n time they deserve away from all this bullshit

#vent #tbd i just needed to get this OUTside of my brain in some way shape or form #cause if i didnt i would like #idk spontaneously combust #probably #the mitski thing

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eloquentmydear · 7 years ago

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TOP 5 ROBRENCES SCENS AND REASONS WHY YOU LOVE THEM?

AFTER MUCH DELIBERATION, TWO LONG LISTS UNDER THE CUT

Pre-2017:

5) Robert comforting a crying Lawrence after the police visit Home Farm to ask about Connor.

“You believe me, then?”

“Yeah, ‘course I believe you, I was just mucking about.”

“Hey, listen to me, listen.”

“Look at me, hey, look at me.”

Arm touching

Lawrence’s nodding

4) The first time Lawrence offers Robert a cheque to leave them alone.

“And I’m sure that would’ve got you a nice car and a rent boy back in the day.”

“You’d know better than me.”

ROBERT’S FACE

“I’m handling him.”

THEY’RE SO CLOSE

3) When Lawrence offers him £500,000 to leave the business.

“You can’t deny, we were a great team before.”

“I’ve saved your bacon enough times!” “I’m not denying that.”

“It’s time for us both to move on.”

It’s literally their divorce

Robert is desperate to work with him again

2) The Woolpack Date.

There is literally no other way to describe it other than a date

“OUR business.”

“I’ve seen you perform over the past few months. It’s impressive.”

“Obviously I’m incredibly young and virile.”

Lawrence making jokes with Robert

Diane shipping it

“I’d tell him that I’m proud of you too.”

Putting Robert in his will

“You’re now fully a member of the White clan.”

“The keys to the inner sanctum.”

THE IN-LOVE SIGH

Lawrence is so utterly camp I miss him

1) When Lawrence tells Robert to stay at Home Farm.

“[Robert is] too capable to let go [of].”

“Until I say otherwise, he’s sticking around.”

Robert getting turned on listening to Lawrence sing his praises

“Stay here. Please. At least until Chrissie gets back.”

UNTIL CHRISSIE GETS BACK

Robert like “oh shit is he gonna kiss me rn”

Lawrence fondling his arm and flirting

You know they shared whisky on the sofa and then fucked on it

They have weird tension the morning after it’s great

2017:

5) The Hotel Scene

Lawrence being romantic af hiring a posh hotel room with champagne

Also he wanted to surprise Robert with a romantic gesture how cute

He got him food too in case he’s hungry pre- or post-fuck

Lawrence being an excellent boyfriend

Lawrence says “please” and Robert obeys

Lawrence worried about making Robert sexually frustrated

Lawrence sharing self-doubt and also being sexually frustrated

“Kath’s offer takes you away (from me).”

“You want me.”

“And I want you.”

“And I’m finally ready to (satisfy all of your sexual fantasies).”

Robert being nervous, overwhelmed, aroused and sanguine all at once

Lawrence prepared to lose his whole family to have Robert

Robert looking at the bed like “guess I’m getting fucked there”

They had lunch together

“You’ve gone very quiet.”

Lawrence’s gazing is too much

“We’re the same, you and I, you know.”

“[I’ve avoided] a path that I know I should’ve chosen.” Robert smiling and nodding at that.

Robert eyeing Lawrence up and down multiple times.

The hand-touching

Lawrence being forward as fuck

“Our first time.”

“Our only time.”

HAND-HOLDING

“I want to remember everything.”

I WANT TO REMEMBER EVERYTHING

“My heart’s racing.” “Well, that’s not good! No, no, sit down.”

Thumbs stroking his fingers

Robert being startled by someone else taking control so quickly

“Even dear Ronnie could never do that.”

Robert like “oh shit, shit-talking Ronnie”

Whispering “Robert.” “Yeah?” “We can do this.”

Holding his face

Robert completely breathless

This is probably the only time someone has treated him so gently so soon

4) The Kitchen Scene (& The Study before because that’s one scene fuck you)

Lawrence’s glasses

Robert’s rolled up sleeves, always gotta show daddy some skin

Robert’s gay jumper

“My commitment […] to you.”

The loving gazes throughout

ROBERT’S STUPID SMILE ON “Trust me, you can’t lose.”

“I thought it wasn’t your thing.” THE FLIRTING IS OFF THE CHART

I need to GIF the look he gives him because that shit is ridiculous

“Well, it’s what you do when you…”

Staring at Lawrence’s lips

The softe reassuring hand touch

“Whatever it is, I’ll understand.”

“I like it here.”

“I like this.”

“I like being like this with you.”

“I shouldn’t say it, I shouldn’t even think it, but I can’t stop.”

I CAN’T STOP

HIS STUPID FUCKING FACE

“You know me. I can make it work.”

PUT THAT FINGER ON HIS LIPS, LAWRENCE

TOUCH HIM

“I don’t know how I’d have got through the last few weeks without you by my side.”

THE SHOULDER STROKE

ROBERT’S SURPRISE AT THE SHOULDER STROKE

“You’re my rock.”

YOU’RE MY ROCK

Robert fuckin goin for it

3) The Breakup

Robert literally fighting back tears and his lips trembling

He gets tears as soon as he realises he’s being dumped and swallows back a lump in his throat

Holding hands again :(

“Won’t be easy.”

Lawrence leans in and Robert just closes his eyes

He was prepared for a kiss

The cheek (nearly neck) kiss

THE CHEEK KISS

The brief snuggle

THE BRIEF SNUGGLE

Robert being super fucked up afterwards

He’s literally so depressed staring into the void

“How’s everything?” “Uh… Yeah, fine.” Robbo you sound and look devastated

“Well, what are you doing here with a face like that?” Even Diane like “wtf is up with you rn aren’t you happy?? your son was just born, healthy??”

2) The ‘TIM THING’ (Not number 1?!)

Robert taking Lawrence’s glass

“I know, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…”

“I swear to you it was an accident.” “I believe you.”

The police interviewing the secluded gay sugar daddy and twink husbands who live in the remote mansion outside the tiny village

“He gives out loads of them” literally married

“I’m tryna protect you here.”

“You don’t trust me.” “Of course I trust you.”

“Lawrence, we’re in this together, okay?”

“Sorry for being a little… Uh… You know…” “It’s okay, Lawrence.”

THEIR SOFT VOICES MAKING THEIR PACT

THE FIRST ALMOST KISS

STARING AT EACH OTHER’S LIPS

LEANING IN

ROBERT WAS GOING FOR IT

Robert licking his lips, just in case I guess >.>

Lawrence being rude because he’s mad he got cockblocked lmao

“Sorry, I…” am angry because I got cockblocked??

THE SEDUCTION BEGINS

Robert’s softe Lawrence voice

Arm stroking

“Why don’t you stick on some music or something, relax?”

Lawrence patting the tit

ROBERT’S STUPID FACE

“I’ll be back later, yeah?”

*drumroll*

1) Lawrence accidentally running down Robert on Christmas Eve (and the resulting Dream Scene)

“How long before you treat him like you treated me?” “And how did I treat you?” this is a thing,,, that can be discussed,,, I’m just appreciating it okay

“Oooh, you made me feel that way about us!”

THE RETURN OF CAMP LAWRENCE

Thank you god and Robert Sugden for having your perception of Lawrence White be at his most camp

“I accept that. […] Aaron never will.” thanks Robert’s brain for confirming that Lawrence is always an option

And Robert knows this

And knows that Lawrence will accept all his bullshit

So y’know

It’s right there

Waiting for you

“I’m not losing you. Not like this.”

Thank god dream Robert got his kiss

“Good god, it’s Robert.”

“Robert… Robert!”

Holding his face

Stroking his face so tenderly like it’s the last time he’s gonna see it

Stroking his shoulders

“You’re gonna be fine. You’re gonna be okay.”

“I’m not losing you.”

“Not like this.”

I’M NOT LOSING YOU

NOT LIKE THIS

Lawrence knowing he was probably never going to keep Robert forever but always wanting him to move on to something that made him happier

Despite everything, absolutely everything, Lawrence still adored and cherished him and never, ever wanted him dead

Lawrence still hadn’t let him go

And Robert hadn’t let Lawrence go either, as his dream showed

Lawrence was always there to fall back on, and Robert wanted to keep it that way

That’s what they would always have, what they would never let go of, what they’d never lose

And Lawrence carried that to his death

Along with the end of more than 3 years of on-screen tension and god knows how many unseen years of flirting and friction

Robrence: an everlasting, enduring, eternal tease.

I made myself emotional thanks Rob

If you have an issue with this post, please contact @robertmakesafoolofhimself

#robrence #robertmakesafoolofhimself #answer #lawbert #robert x lawrence #mine

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briteboy · 7 years ago

Photo

using the new tag “sunny answers” for these anon ask compilations as per request of an anon who actually enjoys going through these posts! this one’s 4 u bb 💕

omg there’s a lot of questions here, more than i thought there’d be. rando story stuff, leftovers from the Trans Fiasco (and no i will 100% NOT be answering anymore questions about it after this, aside from the non-anons who already messaged me about it), and some astrology questions towards the end! enjoy

I seriously love & understand santi's mind but at the same time I feel so bad for Lou (I love her more ok) and I just wanna hug her and grant all her wishes and fill her void and give her 9999 amazing lovers Idk SANTI Y U LIKE THIS hahahaha ok sorry your story is my bible basically. Other than Ramona to live for Lou needs someone that stays LOU NEEDS HAPPINESS!!!!!

9999 AMAZING LOVERS LMAO will u be the 10,000th tho...that is the question. i think we all relate to santi, so much in fact that his actions are infuriating because it’s like WHYYY but then i’m like oh wait i do dumb shit too when i’m sad/in pain. he still dumb tho she does need happiness, and hopefully she will find it in this story ;__;

I'm so hyped for everything happening w your sims omg! Like I'm so so excited about Lou's story and her family (which I sent asks about before btw so that tells you) and I'm so excited about Rooney and Gianni and bby Ramona going to Japan (which is literally my fav country so my love for you and your blog just deepens with every second) and Santi just getting better somewhere (where? We don't know. And I think that's the beauty of it) I just ugh. Love your blog

OMGGGG AHHHDSGJHD THIS EXCITES ME SO MUCH THANK YOOOOUUUU I’M EXCITED THAT YOU’RE EXCITED!!! i hope you enjoyed her family reveal today, there is much to still divulge in that area so strap the f*ck in. i have a really clear vision of what i want their japan experience to look like and hopefully it translates into the sims!! who freaking knows tho. i’m glad you’re looking forward to it either way. and yeah who tf knows where santi is right now. “going home” my ASS!! but yeah it is all beautiful in a way ;-; thank you so much my love for u deepens every second i reread this message, you’re so sweet ;__;

(TFB anon again aaaa) OKAY SO i could be wrong because you know him much better than i do obvioisly, but Grand Finale from the new album is giving me some santi vibes rn MMMMMM

HEY!!! i finally listened to the album and honestly...idk how i feel about it BUT i actually did like grand finale, and now that i’m listening to it again i can definitely sense the santi vibes!! (he has been listening to it nonstop since it came out ok) i love that u thought of him ;__;

I got a retail job two weeks ago. And I hate it. I keep telling myself it’ll get better and then it just gets worse. It’s my first job and I just don’t know what to do. Any advice?

oh god. i don’t wanna be a downer but i don’t have much advice for this, retail SUUUUCKS. working in retail opens your eyes to just how stupid, helpless and annoying people can be. it’s not pretty. it CAN get better if you have coworkers you genuinely enjoy spending time with, who can lessen the burden of your responsibilities. joking around can help a lot, so if you’re not friends with them already, try to be!! just talk to them and i’m sure a relationship will grow. also remember it’s not the end of the world if this job doesn’t work out for you. you can find a new one, and you probably will at some point in the future. i’m gonna point you towards @essiesims because she works in retail so she probably has some words of wisdom for you...hopefully...be nice essie

I just realized my new haircut looks exactly like Fiona's hair and I'm 10x happier with it

GOOD!!! i love her hair, mine is sort of like it right now, messy and short lmao. if bby fiona makes you feel more confident by all means OWN dat haircut, you’re sexi

Can I ask if you watch Dan Howell? Bc his new video about his depression actually broke me and I need someone to hug

no i don’t but i googled him and my first thought was “OHH that’s the dan guy who’s gay with phil or whatever” i honestly don’t know who they are but i’ve seen a lot of gifs of them. i’m sorry his vid made you sad :{ U CAN HUG ME I’M ALWAYS HERE FOR U

I just wanted to let you know that I think you're absolutely amazing, and so creative, and your stories are beautiful. I have loved everything you've created, and you're sims are all so beautiful, and the stories are so heart-wrenching, and so well written, and I'm just so absolutely obsessed. I have your notifications on, and I get so excited every time I see you've posted something. :D Keep working hard, and be happy :)

omg ;____________; thank you so soso much ur gonna make me CRY i create everything for myself, but it makes it all feel 1000x more worth it to know it’s affected you this way and you’re enjoying it so much. my heart hurts in the best way. the fact that you have your NOTIFS ON FOR ME OMG i’m so sorry that i probably spam you so much with random asks and stuff. you’re probably like “when will this b*tch shut up” lmfao no but really this is so kind and sweet and it makes me feel warm inside, thank you so much <333

Can I get a link to your story in Chrono order? I'm on my phone and I'm not quite sure how to do it on here ^^'

here u go, or if you can’t click on it, copy and paste this: http://femmesim.tumblr.com/tagged/story/chrono as a general rule, you can go to any tag and add “/chrono” (no quotation marks) at the end and it’ll take you to the beginning.

hi femme! im sorry this is from older posts but how did you get ramona to look the way she did as a baby? thanks in advance!

hello i explained that here!

DEMI GIRL REPRESENTATION YES ILY

HELL YEAH ILY TOOOO

But if you were cisphobic you have a phobia of like a veeeery big part of the population o.o??? Still don't understand that ist even a thing

true! the reason cis people hold the must power in this equation is due large in part to the fact that they are a huge part of the population. so yeah it’s definitely not a thing.

What's cisgender??? Never heard of that

me neither tbh (but if ur not being sarcastic, here)

I love you sunny. Just so you know

Hey Sunny I love you 💕

HEY I LOVE YOU TOOOOO (you both sent this during the Trans Fiasco, and i fully appreciate your kindness in that bleak time)

yikes that anon was obnoxious as hell

this was also during the Trans Fiasco and yeah u right!

What mod do you use to make your sims taller? 😊

this one!

mom why does love hurt so much 😥

no one knows mi childe but i am here for u

^^ me goin after whoever hurt u

I literally just had such a bad nightmare I woke up, scared myself when I tried to reach for my phone and instead accidentally groped my poodle; which resulted in a panic attack. It’s 5am. Please help. I can obviously not take care of myself

GROPED YOUR POODLE OHMDFHOGODFSG I’M SO SORRY POODLE that sucks tho i’m so sorry about the nightmare and the poodle and the panic attack and EVERYTHING, that’s not fun :{ hopefully you got some rest and calmed down since you sent this. if not come to my house we can have a sleepover i will take care of u

I also have a large bra size (32H) and I'm still young so it's still growing.

OH WOOW ARE U OKAY BECAUSE I HAVE A DIFFICULT ENOUGH TIME HAVING DD’S

@that anon - not all trans ppl even experience dysphasia just admit Defeat

right! i think u meant dysphoria tho. maybe. unless you’re talking about something i don’t know about. but yeah you’re right, every trans person is different. a lot of them do want to change things about themselves, but not all.

hey im goin through an assholes blog and reblogging their posts with confusing internet funnyman comments, saw hate for your blog and decided to send you some support. keep doing what you love with your characters and content ❤❤ -♌🌿

LMAO HEY LEO LEAF were u going through that rando dude’s blog when the Trans Fiasco was happening? because there was some super weird ass blog dedicated to reblogging posts from nonbinary folks and people talking about nonbinary shit and just telling them they’re wrong and transphobic for not believing in the gender binary lmao...so anyways...if that’s not what ur talking about tho i’m sorry i just filled ur ears with that nonsense anyway thank you for this message, it’s so sweet ;__; sorry i didn’t answer it right away, i was recovering from the amount of ugly anons i was getting lmao. thank you for supporting me, ily <333

More Avey pls she's the light of my life

ASDFJHHJKSD SHE WILL APPEAR MUCH MORE JUST TO MAKE THE TROLLS MAD OKAY I LOVE U 💕💕

If another dumbass anon messages you about some silly shit regarding transgenders I’m going to scream. No. Not every trans person wants to transition physically— and no they don’t all want to stereotypical versions of whatever gender they identify with. I know a trans-male that wears makeup and twirls in dresses, and I know a trans-female that loves being a butch lesbian. Personally. I am glad that you’ve chosen to go the route that you have with your character. Fuck the ditsy assholes.

HEY I LOVE YOU AND THIS MESSAGE SO MUCH THANK YOU <33333 ur right, fuck them, they’re ugly anyway

Hey so I'm not like these other anons, I'm asking this as someone has next to no experience with trans people and actually wants to be educated instead of attack you. So if there are some trans people who don't transition and are comfortable with how they look, what exactly makes them uncomfortable with their birth gender?

a number of things, mainly just their discomfort with the category they’ve automatically been placed in from birth. but that doesn’t necessarily mean they want to change their body or dress a certain way.

I just wanna applaud you for handling the anons so calmly because I know for certain if they sent me that shit, my trans ass would have acted differently.

LMFAO omg i’m glad you thought i was being calm because i was like “well i guess it’s time to let out my bitchy side” thank you tho, i’m grateful you understand <3

I'm so sorry that Nonnie was such an ass! I wish we had more people speaking up and saying it loud like you did! It was pretty obvious that person has issues that a Tumblr post won't fix but it was nice to see you put them in there place :)

lmao yeah, after a few questions from them i figured it was just pointless. people like that don’t learn even if you’re trying to explain it to them calmly. they just always want to be right by alienating others, and they don’t even realize what they’re doing most of the time. it’s sad really, but i tried my best (and also tried my best not to unleash all my rage lmao) thank you <3

how can Ramona be sooo cute as a toddler?? like how? whats the secret

vitamins

lmao but really IDK i experimented a lot with her face at first and making a custom skin for her definitely helped too. :~}

/post/166031605558/the-pros-cons-of-dating-my-sim-ciarasia *gives Fiona a Beetlejuice & Ghostbusters and a Dexter dolls and stuffed animals and dolls verisons* I like Fiona I think we could get along with each other *gives Lou her fav kind of band shirts and starts counting her freckles* I don't think I'm gonna go mad trying to count

THIS IS SO SWEET AFKJDSKJNGJKLDLGD YOU’RE THEIR SOULMATE i’m gonna write u into the story now u made it

I know a girl with heterochromia and she also has two different ear shapes. Sometimes I feel like she was meant to be a twin but she absorbed the other one lol. I feel like a weirdo sorry bye.

UR NOT A WEIRDO!!! omg that is funny tho, and very interesting. i wonder if a lot of ppl with heterochromia eyes are like that, with other two different body parts. i’m the twin she absorbed

if you're still doing astrology posts, I'm a Sun-Aries, Moon-Leo and Rising- Scorpio! I'm slowly getting into astrology but i still don't know what that means lol

OOOH SPICY flaming hot cheetos

aries + scorpio are both ruled by mars and then leo is ruled by the sun so holy heck you are probably WAY OUT THERE and by that i mean super outgoing probably, but maybe your scorp rising makes you a bit withdrawn and secretive, so people have to get close to you before they really see you come out. leo moon is one of my favorite placements because it’s so weird, but often i find leo moons can be even more exuberant than leo suns. you probably have a flair for dramatics and love attention even though you might deny it. you really march to the beat of your own drum, but be careful not to be condescending to others about it!!

oh my god all of this astrology stuff is so interesting! idk if you're still doing them, but if you are i'd love to hear about mine: virgo sun, scorpio moon and scorpio rising :) it's totally okay if you're sick of doing these and i'm in no rush to get an answer!

oooooh my mom and beyonce both have virgo sun/scorp moon combos. that’s how u know it’s a good one even tho it seems scary. i find that virgos often have the potential to be very in charge and domineering, but a lot of them bury that potential because they don’t realize they have it inside themselves, and so they let people walk all over them. especially with a scorpio moon, you crave intensity in all forms: through your emotions, relationships, deepest, darkest thoughts, you feel them so powerfully that sometimes it’s too scary and overwhelming for you. learn to trust in that instead of being scared and you will open a new door in your life, especially in combination with your virgo sun, whose inclination is to learn new things and get to the bottom of every mystery. with a scorpio moon AND rising, you are actually that mystery. you might spend a lot of time trying to figure out yourself, but don’t get too introspective because that leads to overthinking and self deprecation.

hey yo i don't need you to do the thing but I'd just like to inform you that i'm a pisces sun leo moon...which is the strangest combo but totally makes sense for my personality. i don't know what any of the other stuff is lmao. but i got a book on astrology so i'm going to learn

OMG i love that combo...it is really weird but somehow the two suit each other. lou and my bff are actually leo sun/pisces moons (so opposite from you lmao, but that’s the reason i like those signs together!) leos have a very active imaginations and pisces just exacerbates that. i feel like in terms of boldness and outgoing nature, it could go either way for you. since pisces suns are usually more understated and quiet, that could fit you. but i often find that leo moons with literally any other placements will make you quite outgoing, sometimes obnoxious. so maybe you flip flop between shyness and outgoingness, especially since pisces focuses on adaptability anyway.

omg yay yes learn all the things!! report back to me if u find out any cool stuff

I don't know if you're still doing this but if you are please do my birth chart, Virgo sun, Taurus moon, and Rising Sagittarius (if you're not doing them anymore it's fine

oh dang u earthy as F*CK. i would hate to get on your bad side, you are probably stubborn as hell and refuse to move from any position you hold. your sagittarius rising also probably makes you warm and inviting but competitive as heck. these are the two earth signs that i actually think go with sag really well! for some reason they always have a weird connection. i’ve talked about it a bit before. you are probably super chill and people like to hang out with you because you just do nothing and be homebodies but still have a good time. you might be prone to worry and restlessness, but listen to your intuition that tells you to calm down and focus on taking things slow.

Okay so I'm apparently a Leo sun, Scorpio moon and a Leo ascendant. What does this even mean help me lmao

OOH WOW ANOTHER SPICY BOY...honestly the first word that came to mind was “battleborn”. lmao you’re probably always looking for something/someone to keep up with your pace and stimulate your needs, and you probably get discouraged a lot because no one can ever match your wild personality. you can probably be overbearing without even realizing, and because of that, not many people can handle you. like i said before, scorpio moons crave intensity, and leos are already intense in their own way, so these two signs (especially the double leo influence) just really kinda egg each other on. so be careful not to get too carried away with doing The Most all the time.

#nonsims #saviorhide #anonymous #sunny answers

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goldencoin · 7 years ago

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OKAY I’M GONNA COME OFF OF ANON BUT ANYWAYS— gel pen / ballpoint pen / fineliner / highlighter / greylead / felt-tip / sketching pad / notebook / paper / stapler / glue stick / tape / ruler / eraser / scissors / calculator / protractor / sticky note / stamp / bookmark / folder / whiteboard / blackboard / pinboard / tablet / stencil / envelope

haha gay

im gonna answer the other two in this ask too for convenience

gel pen: when are you most comfortable?

im most comfortable. in my mcfuckin bed. jk maybe that and also w friends in a chill setting

ballpoint pen: tell me about the day you’ve just had

uh i felt like shit as soon as i woke up. i chilled for a bit and felt kind of better but still lowkey like shit so i. took 5 hour nap, and you know my ass is gonna complain abt it later :)

fineliner: what’s your greatest achievement?

bumping into a girl i hate and hearing something fall :))))

highlighter: what are your best qualities?

uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh im gay and love my friends and sometimes laugh really hard at thing that arent tht funny

greylead: what is something you want to try for the first time?

i wanna be in one of the school plays but also im terrified of everything so lol

felt-tip: describe your aesthetic

maybe nostalgic?

crayon: your earliest childhood memory

uhhh i remember crawlin out my crib as a kid haha #savage

scrapbook: something from your childhood that makes you smile

laughing abt dumb shit w my step brother (but i honestly cant remember what the dumb shit was) and even having to contain my laughter when i was thinking abt that shit

sketching pad: describe yourself from a stranger’s point of view

wow this guy has nice hair and looks p cool. hes seems to have an ok style but he also looks like he doesnt know what hes doin. i wonder whats hes- oh thats a girl sorry

notebook: what’s your favourite quote?

this sounds emo but“i love the things you hate about yourself” from hallelujah by panic at the disco

paper: what kind of book would you write?

a book that fucks ya mind. hella symbolism. where if ur discussin it w someone, theyre like “i thought this line meant this” and youre like “oh fuck i thought it meant this”

stapler: out of all the people you know, who do you think you are closest to?

uhhhhhhh @glutamines ?? @avariciosa

glue stick: what do you look for in a lasting relationship/friendship?

understanding, trust, communication. ik thats like... cliche but im deadass.

tape: tell me about your longest friendship

@gentlelance we’ve been friends since the dreaded...longlasting... Homestuck Phase. and we both suffered through a joey graceffa phase hhhhhh hfuck i still get fuckin. war flashbacks. lowkey tho i miss those days... they were much simpler times. wihfoqihefiuwhughksjdg

ruler: what line will you never cross?

uhhhhhh being an ass to someone if they were never an ass to me?

eraser: what do you consider to be your biggest mistake?

hhhhhhhhhhh coming out to my mom

scissors: ever had a bad break-up?

nah boy

calculator: list fifteen things that make you happy

1. my dogs2. my friends lmao3. nice stationery4. skincare5. lighting candles that shit is. somehow therapeutic to me6. nice lookin shoes7. my hair LMAO8. the guarantee i made to myself that i will leave this god forsaken town 9. nice socks (like the designs)10. my ocs11. my plants12. alternative r&b13. shane dawson videos and spooky videos in general14. crested geckos15. buying stuff... thats so fuckin materialistic but look......i like owning pretty things

protractor: an unpopular opinion/angle you have on an issue

mmm???? i dont. think i have an unpopular opinion??? or at least i cant think of one rn

sticky note: something about yourself you’d like to change

uhhhhhhhhh everythin cept my hair :))))))

stamp: a date that’s special for you and why

seein a movie or somethin of that sort together kinda just bc ur bein quiet together. i just find comfortable silence really nice.also just. goin to the store like any store. bc its a normal thing but for some reason the thought of it is !!!

bookmark: a book that means a lot to you and why

uh there no book that means a lot to me but i really like my copy of the book thief bc theres somethin written in french on one of the front pages and i just find it cool

folder: describe your family

assholes. theyre nice but the majority of the time i hate them and i just. wanna be left alone.

whiteboard: tell me your plans for tomorrow

- school....ofc- gay club- get home somehow and continue sulking abt my mom bein an ass as i do hw- my life is boring im sorry

blackboard: tell me about a memory that has affected who you are today

uh i uh. ive got nothin man

pinboard: what are you focusing on in your life right now?

tryin to not die also not bein an asshole w my hw this year

tablet: tell me your plans for the future

- move to california and try to not die- either go to college there or just go fuck myself and find a way to work AND live

stencil: who are your role models?

hhhhhh miles and wen

envelope: tell me a secret

im gay

#this took so long but also i get distracted easily OOPS #ashersaur #asks

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anoia · 8 years ago

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ok i need to talk more wonder woman

I’m surprised how pumped I still am, like yall know I’m not a super hero comics person or w/e, I usually go see a Marvel movie and I’m like hey that was really good! Then I’m over it.

So, my personal knowledge of wonder woman is summed up as what I remember from Justice League, photosets on tumblr of comics, and my fiance talking about why WW is great in Injustice and Red Sun. So not great. I knew she’s basically Lawful Neutral. So goin in to this movie I’m like ok the trailers LOOK really good, I expect some good visuals but based on people’s reactions to the previous DC movies (which i have not seen) my expectations on a delivery of You’re Gonna Love this Lawful Neutral Superhero! is pretty low.

And they totally knock it out of the park! I’m genuinely sitting there like omg they’re doin it they’re showing a super hero !!genuinely!! struggling with the idea of yeah why not fuck tha humans they’re actually pretty shit..! And I’m like, hey that’s what I know about Wonder Woman!! Just see a problem, see solution, unstoppable train towards that solution and no other alternative. That’s the main bit of WW that I know and they nail it.

The stuff that I learned in this movie that I didn’t know before is the stuff with Diana growing up, seeing humanity as this admirable, good thing that gods influence, and then feeling this deep betrayal when she learns shit ain’t black and white. Like I feel like I can really clearly describe WW’s character now, and that character I describe is really cool and interesting.

I think my only critiques were like, minor visual ones- this pose/animation(whatever) should have been a little stronger, I wish Diana was like a lil bit meatier, once or twice some acting would be like err wut, a shot or two would be like err wut, but overall it’s like meh I do not care about those things in the end. Honestly the most negative thing was probably the fact the movie was freaking pg13 or G or wtfever so there’s no blood anywhere and it’s actually distracting at times.

I was super impressed by WW discovering- or not discovering- her powers. She so is not concerned with her own powers lol, every problem is just “I need to do this in order to do this. I will see if I can. I can. I will continue doing the thing I need to do”. Like, what a great character defining thing and pretty unique in the superhero movie genre. The movie sets up every character trait introduction deliberately, but executes on it very cleanly and consistently.

I was also extremely impressed how this movie navigates through some serious potential cringe minefields. No casualties to the cringefields. Amazing. Shit’s just charming as heck. Chris Pine is completely fine, the “romance” I think is, again, totally surprisingly well done and as far as superhero romance goes I think it’s easily one of the best, at least that I can think of. You believe that they find each other interesting and that it’s not a SOULMATE OMG THE CHEMISTRY thing but certainly a this is an important person in my life story thing. And fuck man, I love those. I’ll take a half decent “look, I don’t wanna run away with this person or anything and we’ll probably do other things after all this, but don’t think I won’t go into a godly rage if they die rn” romance over a ‘omg soulmate 5ever’ romance any fucking day.

And there’s no “BUT.... A WOMAN????????” scene or anything lmao all of those moments are like, super subtle or believable and inconsequential, or like actually genuinely funny. Basically all the “holy shit” moments are all like, holy shit wtf is this person doing, and not holy shit a woman is doing things or whatever stupid alternative you can think up lol. It’s relevant, and irrelevant, that she’s a woman at basically all the appropriate times, it’s really refreshing.

Anyway HONORABLE MENTIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

!!!!AMAZON ROBIN WRIGHT YALL!!!!

The amazons were all candy for my eyeballs but omg Robin Wright bless u movie for giving me that

FUCKIN DAVID THEWLIS MOTHERFUCKERS!!!!!!!!!

David Thewlis is always like thumbs up from me these days, but David Thewlis as villain is like, that’s some that’s good shit right there 100 levels. DUDE’S JUST SO CREEPY and the twist totally got me. I was thinking like, ok since the Nazi guy obvs isn’t Ares, maybe killing him will actually unleash or activate Ares in some way from the guy’s corpse? idk I was totally on the wrong track lmao. Fuckin Thewlis showing up in the tower was so

And ok, I don’t know anything about comic Ares- I think I maybe read the part in Injustice where he showed up, and I think that’s one of the parts where I was like.. meh @ this comic lol. But yeah having him be the opposite of what you’d expect- naturally everyone thinks of a hyper masculine dude god of war- and show up as this soft spoken Professor Lupin mother fucker is fucking great. That’s some Good Omens Terry Pratchett level shit right there. They should have shaved his mustache for the flash back though, that was kinna silly looking lmao.

ANyway, idk I could easily go see it again for the action scenes. I will say this is the only superhero movie so far that has made me actually want to draw superhero things. Guess I’m actually interested in Justice League now..???

#wonder woman #spoilers

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caepaecaesurae · 8 years ago

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> Last week sometime...

caepaecaesurae ... I apologize for the #tyrian/ tag, by the by. My moirail has trouble wvith your alternates, that he is still wvorking through. brackishbarracuda so i noticed i didnt mean to start shit caepaecaesurae You havwen't, and he holds no animosity. Only memories. brackishbarracuda i cant reely say shit tbh w u i used to have the same problem w certain cronus alts i aint gonna go into it but im betta than i was

caepaecaesurae .. There are so vwery many things wvrong wvith certain Cronus alternates. brackishbarracuda an nearly all a mine are fucked so caepaecaesurae I'm glad you're doing better ..and that the entire Ampora line is not currently completely poisoned for you. brackishbarracuda trust me theres a few i could stand to see w a head on a different end a the room than the rest a them but i got double diamonds and both are v much amporas caepaecaesurae There's some that -I- wvould be inclined to separate from themselvwes. brackishbarracuda aight if im bein honest its one in particular and its an erian so i still count that as improvement caepaecaesurae I'd agree. WVas he perchance recently invwolvwed in the dashcourse? brackishbarracuda i dont think so i aint been payin attention i dont mind a name drop if ur currious just dont out me aboat it its complicate complicated efin caepaecaesurae Reasonable. ... I don't speak wvith many Eridans, I suspect it's not likely to come up, so I'll abstain. brackishbarracuda as in dont tell me or u wont out me caepaecaesurae Don't tell me -- I wvouldn't out you either wvay. brackishbarracuda s fair caepaecaesurae But this wvay, I'm not likely to read his page out of curiosity. Or ask a thousand questions that aren't my business. I'm afraid I'm as gossipy as Arlequin can be. brackishbarracuda trust me tho if he shows up and starts shit youll kno who it is caepaecaesurae Do let me knowv if you evwer need a hand. brackishbarracuda pike i said its complicated 38/ and f reel tho i aint mind questions from u in particular caepaecaesurae If you're certain, then -- wvho, and dare I ask his specific failings? brackishbarracuda violaceousvanity too many to fuckin count brackishbarracuda most a which is fuckin w my rails pusher an holdin the fact said rail had feelins for him over my damn head when i was low caepaecaesurae .. Ugh. brackishbarracuda im really tryin naut to go on a tirade aboat every fuckin thing hes done wrong bc i wont stop if i get started its platonic af caepaecaesurae I knowv the feeling. Aye, interference in romantic affairs often can be. brackishbarracuda hes still a part a my rails past tho before i knew him and he swears hes his friend so im over here just shruggin violently brackishbarracuda ur ugh in response was afishiated tho its hard to properly disgusted w somebody existence when other ppl aint as pissed as u are

Last Wednesday at 2:44 PM

caepaecaesurae I sympathise. Interpersonal conflicts of that nature are... Awvkwvard at best. caepaecaesurae Pardon for disappearing on you. brackishbarracuda nah shit happens u aight caepaecaesurae > Caesurae looked at that question, blankly, for over a minute before he could bring himself to quietly facepalm, sigh, and gather his words. Sleep came unexpectedly, that's all. brackishbarracuda count ur blessings i had to watch cats the musical before i could get my wrigs to fall the fuck asleep caepaecaesurae You havwe wvrigglers? I feel like I should havwe knowvn, sorry for the inobservwance. brackishbarracuda i dont talk aboat them much naut publicly anyway brackishbarracuda too much shit can go wrong but yeah i got five a them caepaecaesurae It's easier to protect something no one knowvs about. Gods, that seems daunting. brackishbarracuda i mean they aint mine i kinda inherited them but they mine u feel cept one ones actually mine caepaecaesurae I believwe Arlequin had a fewv sprung on him wvhen it turned out one of his flings came from a timeline wvith interesting biology. He adores havwing a massivwe family for church reasons though. brackishbarracuda yeah caepaecaesurae May I ask about the inheritance? brackishbarracuda bouy seems pike hed b happy just havin em drip off him while he fucks around in the kitchen caepaecaesurae That's fairly accurate, aye. brackishbarracuda dead red caepaecaesurae I'm sorry. brackishbarracuda they didnt really have anybody else me and the rails look after em caepaecaesurae Good that someone or something does. If you havwen't ended up lusus-bonding wvith them yet you might be able to get them lusii in a timeline somewvhere. I suspect you havwe though, by the sound of it. brackishbarracuda loz would raise from his fuckin ashes and haunt my ass if i ever got rid a them especially now brackishbarracuda theyre mine caepaecaesurae I'm glad you care for them. I'm...familiar wvith the concept from Beforus, and from my moirail's family. It's not something I'vwe personally evwer wvanted, but I'm glad it suits you. Are they young, still ? brackishbarracuda it aint someifn i ever personally wanted either tbpfh w u little shits grow on u yeah caepaecaesurae Has Arlequin met them yet? brackishbarracuda ach is the oldest and shes under five sweeps and ayas the youngest and shes in a coon rn i think we planned on it but it aint happened yet brackishbarracuda lotta shit goin on rn caepaecaesurae I suspect he'd enjoy it quite a bit. He adores spoiling wvrigglers. brackishbarracuda yeah i can sea that lmao hes a big cod damn nerd brackishbarracuda hey i got a question caepaecaesurae Aye? Fire at wvill. brackishbarracuda do u no anybody youd trust w a needle pike tattoos do u think arlequin would kno anybody in the church oar caepaecaesurae I knowv Porrim has a studio here, though I'd havwe to gently feel out howv she feels about seadwvellers. I'm sure Arlequin knowvs howv to apply tattoos in the old wvay, wvith hand-made tools and ointments rather than wvhat one wvould vwisualise in a modern tattoo parlor. I'm sure Nadaya wvould knowv someone, and could ask, if that wvould be of use. brackishbarracuda idk if i trust his evaluation of i trust u naut to kill me while u do this but yeah if u could ask around so i got options id afishiate it tbh isle still probubbly sea what arlequin can do seein as i already trust him caepaecaesurae Arlequin I wvould trust completely to do blackwvork. If he specifically says he can do brilliant colors and gradients, I'd believwe him on those too. I trust Nadaya not to put other people into stupid situations. He tries plenty of things himself he wvould not consider for others. brackishbarracuda thats fair caepaecaesurae I'll see if I can put together a list for you -- and I'll mention wvho each recommendation came from, as wvell. I'vwe been somewvhat tempted to look into it myself, I just havwen't been able to think of a design I wvanted. At least anything that wvasn't somewvhat trashy. brackishbarracuda hell let it be trashy caepaecaesurae References to the Kraken brackishbarracuda lMAO caepaecaesurae A tramp stamp, if I could bring myself to it brackishbarracuda PLZ I N-E-ED T)(IS caepaecaesurae Haha Gods. Maybe. brackishbarracuda oh my shi t absofuckinlutely i am behind this and behind u so i can stare at it caepaecaesurae I appreciate the vwote of confidence. "This side up" brackishbarracuda im la ughign i swear to fuck man embrace that shit caepaecaesurae On the one hand, yes. On the other, if I don't, I can fake being a vwery dignified older man at wvill. And people wvho don't knowv me wvill believwe it. brackishbarracuda i mean thats fair but u can do that w some paint an sealer caepaecaesurae ..Oddly true. Of course, I could put on a vwariety of different tramp stamps at wvill in the same wvay. brackishbarracuda embrace ur inner trash prince caepaecaesurae You are a terrible influence, but I'm almost intrigued enough to put together a selfie. brackishbarracuda i am tho caepaecaesurae This Side Up is the best one I can think of. Maybe a reference to the Gunshowv WVhat are some other good ones, vwisible from the front? I am preparing something. brackishbarracuda suns out guns out has alwaves been a personal fav isle ahab ur crosshairs idfk visual pun put ahabs on ur bicep caepaecaesurae Oh, perfect brackishbarracuda i am all for this please dear cod also ur attractive just fyi caepaecaesurae Thank you, I appreciate that. You as wvell, from the pictures I'vwe seen. brackishbarracuda the reactions ur getting are worth this shit alone caepaecaesurae Oh, aye, I need to do this more often. brackishbarracuda u reely do i almost wanna reblog the dam thing again caepaecaesurae One feature of tumblr that I personally appreciate is the ability to schedule posts to go off at pre-determined times years into the future. brackishbarracuda oh my shit ohhh my shit caepaecaesurae And you look at your dashboard, and you ask yourself "WVhen did I reblog that -- Oh. Ohhhhhhhhh right." brackishbarracuda i am here for this brackishbarracuda plz at least keep the gun caepaecaesurae Hah. I don't knowv. The tiny one? brackishbarracuda yeah i mean its easily hidden w sleeves an its a good ice breaker caepaecaesurae It is at that. If I did, I'd probably ask Arlequin to apply it for real. Things I imagine into place are easy to imagine awvay again. brackishbarracuda i nearly said id imagine so and stopped myself wtf me caepaecaesurae I can imagine it, and I wvouldn't havwe caught it. brackishbarracuda hes doin aight if ur currious thats my rails caepaecaesurae I'm glad he is. brackishbarracuda i get over excited about the bouys so i apologize in advance caepaecaesurae Hah. Both vvic and his brother? Enthusiasm is a blessing, enjoy it. brackishbarracuda yeah f reel tho they aint get out much so im over here wavin a lil flag when they talk to ppl on their own caepaecaesurae I havwe a fewv friends like that. Thankfully theyvwe started getting along wvith one another, wvhich is nice. brackishbarracuda tru tf to that

Last Wednesday at 6:44 PM

brackishbarracuda are u sugestin arlequin is a wrong choice caepaecaesurae No, I just knowv Arlequin wvell and don't knowv if he knowvs him. Arlequin making more positivwe social contacts is good. brackishbarracuda (that was a joke ) tru af tho caepaecaesurae I'm not that great at jokes if the punchline is someone being offended, if I'm honest. brackishbarracuda aight fair caepaecaesurae Sorry, chief. brackishbarracuda nah u aint got anyfin to apologize for

#brackishbarracuda #ooc eyes only #discussion of gossip bad tattoos and kids #trashy tattoo jokes ahoy

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stay-neurotic · 8 years ago

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lowkey I was super trashy last night guys. tmi warning

okay so every wednesday the coworker fam goes bowling. i decided this week that i was gonna save my money and not get any alcohol. WELLLL one of my coworkers smuggled in a flask of rum and I ordered a refillable coke so we just shared rum & cokes all night long.

zack (server guy I met there last week) was clocking out as we arrived, recognized me and called me over to say hi. he was disappointed we were missing each other but I invited him to our gathering after bowling was over (with some prodding from my other coworker, I stg she’s such a fucking enabler lmao).

so it’s like 1:30 am when we finish up, I’m tipsy af, we’re all dying to eat. we head back to coworker’s apartment and order pizza, I text zack the address to join us. when he arrives we’re all playing drinking jenga and chowin down. he jives real well with the group, real charismatic guy, everyone’s happy.

enabler coworker has to do a shot since she lost jenga, gets everyone else to do one with her. so at this point i’ve had like 3 rum & cokes, a mojito, and now a shot of whiskey and i’m high af as well. soon as i get the shot down, other coworker is handing me the bong again.

now, i take teeny rips. teeny teeny tiny rips. coworker watches me do this, calls me a pussy, and goes, “here.” he pulls for me and fills the damn thing up with smoke and holds it out for me. and i’m like, “hey, fuck it, sure”

and my lungs just said “no” and coughed it all out halfway through and then i started coughing so uncontrollably i thought i was gonna puke. ran over to the sink, coughing my lungs out, head down, nose running, spitting up loogies. just straight up dying. still fully aware of everyone around me & like i can hear that they’re not being judgmental but im still fuckin embarrassed.

then like five min into this coughing fit, ive got a breathing pattern down, my heads down and im just tryin to focus on not dying. and the shot hits me. like, HITS me

and i legitimately lost consciousness standing over that sink, i was goin’ in and out for god knows how long (felt like hours). kept “waking up” and remembering where i was and being embarrassed all over again

at one point i’m trying to hang onto consciousness and zack puts a glass of water in my field of vision, and i think my throat can handle it so i slowly stand up to drink it. and i immediately know i’m gonna faint - everything goes fuzzy and feels like im underwater. so i look at him and just say, “i need to lay down.” and he stands there confused, asking me shit like “what, like here? is there, maybe, um - it looks like the couch is taken -” and i’m standing there gripping the countertop to not fall over and i can’t answer these questions. i just grab him by the shoulder, look him in the eye and repeat, “i need to lay down.” and i’m laughing cause i’m nervous/embarrassed and amused that that’s the only sentence i’m capable of getting out and he guides me toward the living room and i just pass out on the goddamn floor.

i woke up real slowly over the next fifteen minutes (felt like hours). enabler coworker is the first thing i see, sitting in the corner looking exactly like how i feel. eventually i rolled over & sat up and then immediately started apologizing, lmao. i felt bad zack was still there, waiting on me, but he didn’t seem to mind at all.

we all take some time to recover, drink water, watch some family guy. im still really out of it and can tell i will be for a while, so i’m debating whether i want to sleep here and uber home in the morning, ask zack to take me home, etc...and then zack mentions he’s gotta head back soon, and i’m just like fuck it & i ask if he’d take me to his place for the night. my apartment is on the way to his second job so he can drop me off in the morning when he goes in. and he’s totally about it, ofc, but super worried because he’s in the process of moving and warns me about 18 times how much of a mess it’s gonna be lol.

the ride to his place felt like fucking forever, i kept going in and out of coherency and failing real hard to keep up with conversation. i got a few pangs of panic, like, oh god Rachael, you’re in a practical stranger’s car and he can take you wherever the fuck he wants, and do whatever the hell he wants to you. but at that point i was committed and also not in a great decision making state. and anyway what’s the worst that can happen, i get murdered? it was gonna happen someday.

he brings me to his house, super white neighborhood, super tiny house on a little woodsy road. offers me sweatpants to sleep in but i just strip down to my panties and get in bed lmao. he throws up a video in the background and we get to it, i’m hanging in a space between “i’m really not in my right mind, is he taking advantage of me rn?” and “i planned on doing this since i was sober, anyways” and “fuck it, i’m enjoying the hell out of this regardless.” and i was high enough still to just close my eyes and get lost to the pure sensation of it and holy shit, guys. best sex i’ve ever had, easily

also surprisingly comfortable cuddling/sleeping on a twin mattress, never managed that before

he woke me up at some point after the sun had come up and got me riled up again, was prepared for a second fuck but i started jackin him off and was apparently just too good at it so he came and we fell back asleep

when alarm went off, i got up and got dressed while he showered, we took a couple hits, and then we headed out & he dropped me off at my apt. now here i am still cringing @ myself for not knowing my limits and i’m not really awake but not really asleep either. & janna’s texting me wanting to hang tonight? i don’t know, guys, i don’t know what even. who am i. who is this party girl.

#personal #tmi

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stridersister · 6 years ago

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lol glad you like talking about it bc i love reading it! world building is my absolute favourite thing in the world so i love swapping ideas with people every now and then!! c: ohhh, i for sure thought elio would get the princess (u know how it always goes) :o neat!! love me some blue/red aesthetic. tell me about elios two friends!

I do too! that’s why this is one of my favorite stories that I’m writing/working on, even if I can’t have time to work on it at this very moment (hopefully that changes this summer! in like 2 days lmfao) I get to build a bunch of different planets/peoples

yes right that’s what I want people to think, and then Elio is just like nope I’m in love with this muscular woman with skin as dark as the night and a heart of gold, her name is Albora and she comes from Earth. Her sister is named Sona with pink/purple hair but otherwise similar look and she’s my space lesbian, can’t have enough of those. she falls in love with the enemy, they have a korrasami aesthetic goin on

so those are the 5 main characters lol there’s Elio, Rex Roer and Yala Qin Amaya being his childhood friends from the prison, they escape and get separated and in the process Elio meets Albora and Sona, and basically take back Earth, the first planet where the story takes place. So Rex is very bestial, hence his name. His people are ridiculed in the empire, they’re like Space Pirates with a Cause. His world is also inhabited by a dwarf species, they all live together in harmony and believe strongly in individual freedom to be who you are while still having a community to back you up. Rex has deeply tanned skin, reddish eyes and really red hair just like the rest of his peoples. They’re all rough and tumble & his home planet is basically one big mine that they defend the Empire from getting their Grubby Paws on and they like it that way. Rex’s family especially leads the rebellion, his mother being a particularly notorious figure, and because of that he’s hated by pretty much everyone when he first gets to Earth’s prison. Elio is just like nope, I’m adopting him. Ziad (Elio’s dad) is like ugh fucking fine u can keep him, and all the crooks know not to mess with Ziad. Rex is muscular, if a bit stocky, and his sense of smell is INSANE. he has two sisters and one brother (who is trans and their reunion is heartfelt and pure) who tease him relentlessly over his crush on the pretty blue princess, which is really comin to light around the time that he is able to reunite with his family!

Yala Qin, god where do I start. Ok first off she’s the REAL narrator of the story, and I always struggle b/w wanting to make the story 3rd person omniscient or just say fuck it and make it all from her pov. this story actually follows events in which she is the protag, a story that was literally originally just about her. Anyways, her name means Witness. She has blue skin, greenish eyes and thick, bluish green hair (I’m still debating between anything from royal blue to teal, it literally all looks good) that she grows out to go all the way past her waist and then lowkey be as tall as her. She has Asian features, as the Medorans all do. Her mother, Mikuzna, late Empress of the Medoran Empire, also had blue skin and is not of royal blood. It’s actually considered a Big Deal to the Medorans what color ur skin is, green being the most wealthy/noble class of Medorans. Yala Qin’s father, Garlo Ben, has green skin and red hair, as did his father before him, and as does Yala Qin’s older brother (ugh kff I can’t remember his name rn but all of their names are alien sounding intentionally bc when u think alien u think green skin and shit). Yala Qin and her younger brother, Phix Mik, took after her mother and got blue skin. The Medoran Nobility was NOT happy about Mikuzna becoming Empress but! Mikuzna is a key player even in death because she had the same powers as Yala Qin in life. She knew what she had to do and how to get the throne, just as well as she knew that the story had to unfold the way it was going to. Plus, she’s charming AF and no skin color can change that, Garlo Ben was SMITTEN ok. The third type of Medoran, and the far more common kind, as well as the lowest class, has purple skin and blondish hair (Phix Mik also has blondish hair too, almost white, to go with his blue skin. He’s soft. Smart boi, my fav. I lowkey ship him with Elio lmfao but I have some even better ships in mind.)

So that’s Yala Qin’s whole backstory, and as u can see Blue is key to her whole lewk. Blue becomes the color of the rebellion because of how it was associated with the fall of the Medoran Empire, many taking it as a sign Mikuzna’s ascent to the throne was the sign of the apocalypse. She’s a princess, but she hasn’t been since she was young and landed on earth, so she’s bold and hard and mean. she bites. she fights with Rex a lot, naturally. She’s got layers and layers of thick skin because of who she is and she’s not backing down, and she goes through so much growth throughout the series, as they all do. Medorans can also breathe underwater and have webbed fingers and toes. Their home planet has red oceans and a pink sky, blue trees. or maybe the other way with the sky and trees idk whichever is prettier but def red oceans. Her powers, which she discovers once she gets back to her home planet, allow her to be two places at once, in a sense--the afterlife and the present timeline. There she is able to explore her past life, Sheva, and the lives of others through their souls. I would explain more but it’s very intricate and comes from the first story I was writing forever ago, so it’s a little hard to explain. basically Yala Qin, as her past life self Sheva, is able to interact with and see the souls of others in order to learn from the past and bring forward the correct future. Elio has faced off against his uncle in the past as their past lives, and have a primordial antagonism towards each other--up until now, Elio hasn’t been able to defeat him. Yala Qin is able to see all this and make corrections, but the only problem is that she doesn’t know whose soul belongs to who in real life. I’m not sure if this makes sense lol but I promise you I develop this arc over 7 whole books lmao. But so Yala Qin has these powers, she often goes between the two and that’s why Mikuzna knows she is the “Witness,” hence her name meaning in the Medoran language.

ff wtf I didn’t realize how much I even wrote about them lmfao and I’m not even close to done but I’ve worked more on this than my paper, which just goes to show u where my heart is ugh

#asks #anon #elio #ds #dead sea #yq #yala qin #rex #rex roer #tarawrites #Anonymous

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stupidbiatch10101010111000 · 6 years ago

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han-update last day of august edition!

okay well here it is in text form unfortunately mostly because i couldn’t get any damn time to myself to film it so you’re gonna get a reader digest han update okay letzgetit babyyyyeee so i been goin through some tings well as i always do but this time its on the fact that im getting older like im no longer a kid. like ive emotionally matured which is wild since i don’t even know how i even functioned through my day to day being that fucking cringey. yeah im more aware of my presence on others im much more considerate. i try my best to achieve a healthy emotional state. i kinda proud of myself but i still really hate myself tho like i still get on the brink of suicide. and the idea of ageing still makes me want to end it all. i dont know life just gets so overwhelming i can’t imagine living for another 18 years no eww. well im just sayin ive like improved mentally which sucks because i don’t really have anything to show for it. well maybe im moderately clean room and skin. hmmm also my relationship with my mother has improved ish like i think she hates me more because im falling into the same toxic patterns. but im working on it unlike her. oh i was watching this thing on lonely people and as someone with no active friends. well that shit hurted like especially when they said you become more talkative since you don’t have anyone to talk to. like my mom who gets the majority of my weekly infodumps. and in a way it’s made us closer lmao.

im starting school again and yeah this time im sticking with it. im not gonna let my brain go to mush. sometimes i get flashback to my old hs days but honestly those were realistically my lowest points. i really didn’t give a fuck if i lived or died. now i can at least have feelings again. omg i was numb for so long and still kinda am but im making lil strides to improve overall. anyways i still having trouble forgiving myself like i didn’t hurt anyone but myself. but i also think that’s why it’s been so hard to do it. i really just fucked over my own life so hard i can’t even begin to see the light. im just scared that when i do get to a good place in life i’ll fuck it up again. so im just sabotaging it rn to make sure i don’t get my hopes up to high. wow im really about to cry .......but im not because it’s 9:27pm and i don’t want my mom to get worried. anyways im gonna end it here before i start crying might do a first day of sept. sequel whomst knows?

-9:32pm 8/31/2018

#personal

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survivortongatapu · 7 years ago

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Episode 6 | "All This Is Cracked" - Owen Woityra

I definitely foresee a swap occurring after the Outcast Tribal. With someone coming back into the game, that'll make the cast 16, outside of Outcast Island. That would pit us as an even number, perfect for a swap. Honestly, I just hope that I'm either with Tim or Jordan so that I could easily work with them. Crossing my fingers that I do not get swap-fucked!

Carson is fucking fake, Jay broke my heart i get why he did it but at the same time it just feels betraying, meanwhile carson is just taking to you happily while voting you out! another steffen, it's so hard I am seriously pissed THEY WANTED CHALLENGE THREATS TO STAY so they vote me but WILLOW did worse in the competiton then i did, AND they wanted comp threats going forward but they voted owen out, like what... make up your fucking minds and stop being fucking fake! I swear to fucking god i hate my tribe, whay are they so god awfully fake. I am crying truly but I wasn't blindsided they barely talked to me today... They cut me because they thought i wouldn't be as angry if i got back in, well heres the thing.. I AM!

Chrissa goes home. Hell ya! Not the best past with that one! Ryan says we have the night off and someone is returning from outcast island. I think we're swapping tomorrow! Ready for a butt fucking from this tribe swap and to get my ass destroyed

fhsjdf okay so first of all I got voted out of the game and I was shook that I got blindsided bc I was sure at least Chrissa would tell me. WELL Chrissa was next and told me she's the one who voted charlotte with me....i'm screaming faksjdh literally andrew carson jay SNAKES ! I wonder if Bryan knew about it but idk. Oh well. I wonder why they voted me out, I guess either they thought I was a threat or they thought I was useless. Probably both Anyways I get to outcast with...adrian and antoine who I voted out and then katie and kaci? I thought I'd be the one to go so I threatened adrian and antoine with my raffle ticket item. i was like im not gonna use this yet hehe but if I get voted out I cant use it and then none of u are coming back !!!! well i thought i was gonna leave especially since i had a pressure cooker and had to vote live on call for the world to hear lmao but it worked out fine bc that girl left anyways. I wanted to you my raffle ticket item but I couldnt do it live on call.... but now THIS ROUND the second most votes is goin in???? but the most vote s ist still leaving.... honestly katie and adrian had a huge fight but I'm pretty sure it was fake bc they didnt have it until the post that said someone was going back in?????? which is a huge yikes. Antoine proposed a plan to get Adrian out with 3 votes (him katie and chrissa) and send Chrissa back in with 2 votes (me and Adrian). I'm real sketched out by this plan because I think like...Antoine, Kaite, and Adrian could still be voting together and vote me out. I'm pretty sure they're going to actually lmao. BUT the one thing that doesnt make sense then is if they're working together, why wouldn't Antoine offer to vote for Chrissa and tell me to vote Adrian? because if they do vote for me it'll be 3-1-1, with me leaving and adrian and chrissa tying for second.....and at that point the person going back would be random. Idk all this is cracked, I think I'm going home tonight but whatever I really don't like playing with the people on outcast anyways they're boring. OwenHere's the thing. If Antoine is lying to me and Katie/Adrian faked the fight, then there's nothing I can do to change their minds and get them to save me. If they're NOT lying to me, then what should be happening is Antoine votes Adrian with Katie, and Adrian votes Chrissa. If Chrissa is voting for Adrian, then that would mean rn it's three Adrian, one Chrissa. I don't really want Chrissa back in the game because I think she would vote for me to go back into the game if I played my power. So I'm going to throw my vote onto Katie and see what happens. If it ties 3-1-1, then Katie or Chrissa will be randomized which one enters and I can pretend that Adrian voted Katie. If they're lying to me anyways, then my vote for Chrissa really does not matter at this tribal council and I'm screwed anyways. Soooo yeah that's fun!

Praying I don't get swap-fucked!

Things didn't exactly went to plan tonight mostly because of Owen who didn't vote for Chrissa like he was suppose to do. I'm glad he's gone to be honest. I was suppose to go home anyway but I wanted Chrissa to be send back and keep my alliance together. Of course, it would have been hard to predict another person was going to leave exile due to a crazy twist. Now, my fate will be based purely on luck and I don't like that. Hopefully I can get back to the game and get my revenge.

Okay WHEW we're swapped, and I'm fucking STOKED because this game is finally starting. I actually could not be happier that I ended up on Katie's tribe. We've got Katie, Jay and Andrew, along with Jordan, Raffy and I from our original tribe. Andrew is one of my best friends in this whole community, and I am going to be putting a lot of my game into his arms, and really let him have it. I want to show him loyalty, but more importantly, I think with the way he's playing, he's going to be targeted long before I am. Jay hosted me once, he's always stanned me, and I like him a lot. Jordan Pines is probably one of 2-3 people who I REALLLYYYYYYYY trusted from my old tribe, so this is a fantastic set up, to give me three people I trust in this game, it's a blessing. We've also got Katie, who is a very strong competitor. She has the second most amount of days recorded in tumblr survivor ever, and she's been around for awhile. I know she's got her hand in a lot of cookie jars, and she's also very close to Jordan, but if she's close to him, hopefully she's going to be close to me. Then we've got Raffy... I've expressed how I want Raffy out for awhile now, and he's a perfect lamb on our tribe. I am probably going to want him out first IF IF IF IF IF our tribe ends up ever losing, because this tribe is fucking strong as fuck, and I'd be surprised if we ever lose. If we lose, I think we could make it Raffy, which buys me at least a round to bond with Jay and Katie a lot more, and just hope that they end up wanting to be with me through this shit show of a tribe, as if our tribe even loses two times. I'm ready for a new beginning and this game to finally pick up. I think we're about to go through a good time :)

Well damn. So tribe swap happened just as expected, just not the way i wanted. Tim is with me yeah, but not on the nukuleka tribe i got an advantage for. And the two people i was choosing between working with, Johnny and Jordan, arent on my tribe either. While we do have the majority 3-2 on this tribe it means I’m now relying on Carson C, a wildcard in my book, not to flip. Unless of course, I decide to flip first. I could hypothetically tell old Nukuleka who we’re voting for in case they have an idol. Which would even the numbers out 8-8, but theres so many people still in the game totem pole management would be a nightmare. Its best to stay under the radar as much as possible, make connections but not shake things up until i’m ready.

[7:23:23 PM] Jay (Alcatraz Host): I think she went for challenge strength [7:23:32 PM] carson: me im just making this quick but.. really bitch?

Okay sooooo like..... 17 of us have to come together to vote someone out? Come again? This is going to be a MESS!! I already know people who don't have loads of great relationships with people on the other tribe (Stephen, Tim, Raffy) are going to try to make the ten of us from our old tribe all vote together and come to a consensus, but if I'm a betting man, LA or Jordan Pines is going to try to do something interesting, so I'm just going to see what they want to do, and hope to go along for the best. UTR is the move for this round. Don't want to make any potential waves like I've done on LOADS of other swap/twisted first round votes #Japan #SorryIsaac #AlsoCrossroads #FuckBranAndRyan So yea. Not tryna be that guy who makes a stand on a first vote on a swapped tribe. I trust the people I'm with, and I think I've got a bit of longevity

Alright so we swapped.. which is, fine, but Bryan and I are in the minority on our new tribe. It certainly isn't ideal. But that's not the only problem currently. We have an issue wherein we have a tribal council with 17 people. 17!! It's some kind of One World bullshit I didn't sign up for. We need an easy vote tonight... where's Regan when you need her?

Fuck Owen! Anyways, the angina this gives me is through the roof. I can barely handle 10 people on a tribe, how am I going to handle this one world thing? It's just so ugly for no reason. However, I do not think that I am in any danger this tribal council. OG Pangaimotu is sticking together for this, and it seems like we'll be voting Bryan out to replace with someone else. Personally, I do not think this is a bad thing per se. Time to be boring this tribal council!

Tim’s freaking out a bit. He doesn’t want some one from our tribe to go so he’s trying to change peoples minds but that doesn’t really fit in with the “we’re pawns, use us” strategy we had. I may have to blindside him at one point.

I am tired with people always saying "I'll just go with the majority and I don't have a target." Plus, this original tribe thing isn't working out. Everyone has their own agenda and Tim is making me do his dirty work. Ugh. Now I'm going to have an unnecessary target on my back. Hopefully, Rob does not flip and I do not have to deal with him for awhile. To be quite honest, I could not give a flying fuck about any of the other tribes. As long as the person going isn't someone from my tribe, then it's fine.

So there is quite a lot going on in this round so I'll break up my confessional as I go lol. First, a swap occurred but not any traditional one. Two returnees from redemption island got to pick their own tribes which is coolio! A twist was within that pick though! (The 5 people not picked became their own tribe). The gag is that I wasn't picked asdsfjk. So my tribe is essentially the new outcast island in a sense lol. So on my tribe is Carson C., Stephen, Bryan, Charlotte, and myself. When compared to the other tribes, we seem to be not so hot as far as winning immunity is concerned but you never know! Im feeling iffy about this tribe but im going to try and build connections with the new members I. E Bryan and Charlotte. Im getting along with Carson more which is excellent for my game plus he seems like a genuinely nice person! Stephen and I are already pretty close as well. (UPDATE: I flipped the vote on Adrian at least for now. Raffy did it for me which is perfect because I'm not seen as that much of a threat. It initially wasnt a part of my strategy, I'll admit, but it definetly worked out in my favor.) Second, The twist that Owen unleashed is definitely a wild one!!! Going to a tribal with 17 people???? Crackdt. So I feel really really good about working with Willow when the time comes but she might be in danger. As of now I have two options, stick with the old pongaimotu for now or flip with Carson and do what needs to be done. Honestly we both had the same idea of flipping but I approached him first, Im thinking about the long run of the game and honestly someone going from my tribe is just not the thing that I want to happen. This game is like a freight train down track and I'm the conductor trying to get it back on track. Third, I'm going to do a little speculation about the forest. I'm pretty sure the third path unlocked after this round. I just hate that I wasted my time going there at the beginning of the game! I believe that the other half to Stephen's super idol is there but I just have to find my way to it safely.

So the vote was Bryan, but Tim and Carson decided it was a bad idea and now things have changed to Adrian. This might not be a good thing. Rob was pretty hard against it, and thought Bryan was shady, his sudden “okay” might be him conceding, or he might be planning to backstab us. Also this vote might place a target on Tim and Carson as they were the ones who stirred things up. Another thing that bothers me is how many people were left out of this change. If their absent they might miss the change and vote for Bryan, or theyre just laying low in which case theyre playing smart. Idk what will happen, I hope its Adrian, but as long as its not me im fine. I can always flip if i need to

God I love getting votes for no reason. Not only has Bryan come up to saying that I'm a target (along with himself. Source: Charlotte), but Tim has too! He said that Carson C told him that Andrew was throwing my name out there and it's just super ugly. I don't even have any protection! So now I just have to wait and suffer to see if someone pulls an idol out of their ass and I get replaced because of it. What have I done to deserve this? If anything it should be Jordan if they are looking to eliminate competition threats.

So it was a great idea last night... Let's vote out someone on the other tribe.... Let's make sure that we keep majority and that we will stay awesome... But noooooo that's too easy. Why would you want to make this game easy.... I'm pretty sure that I have said that same thing but on the other side. Anyway, I have no actually idea whats going to happen tonight but it's going to be raffy or Adrien I think. Who fucking knows with 17 votes. Carson FThis joint tribal sucks so much! Adrian and Katie are back in the game, which is ideal for me. Katie didn't choose me for her tribe, and the NuNukeleka is stacked challenge wise. Adrian chose me for his tribe, so now I'm with Adrian, JD, LA, Willow, and Rob. JD hasn't added me as a contact, LA's barely talked to me, so I guess I'm working with Willow/Rob/Adrian!! There's this "superalliance" for the joint tribal of Johnny/Andrew/Carson/me/Jay/Jordan/Katie/Rob/Willow. I'm gonna work with Rob and Willow from this alliance on my tribe. The alliance seems to be targeting Raffy which is fine with me, as he's a threat and not someone I'd really like to work with. So, I'm bluffing and telling Raffy I haven't heard his name at all. Whatever!! Bryan and Adrian are the other targets and I don't really want to vote either as Adrian's on my tribe, and from what he said (people on Outcast Island were talking bad about me for being 2 faced), I don't want Antoine or Chrissa on my tribe sdkdskj. With Bryan, I have the Nukuleka bond so I trust him and don't want him out. Overall, I haven't been able to have much control over this round, but I'm just forming social relationships through the access to talk to everyone, which is super important. Hopefully Raffy goes, though apparently my name was thrown around, but shut down (according to Johnny). My goal right now is to lay low, and start playing at the swap so I don't get dragged down. Also, I'm gonna start changing how I deal with people being voted out as from what Adrian said, what I'm doing (being fake with people till they leave) isn't working, so I gotta change that, but I don't know how. I'm happy with this super alliance too because I really wanna work with Johnny and Rob. Wish me luck!!

We swap and I love my new tribe. I have Willow and Carson icons. I know I can work with Adrian and JD and LA can go. I'm sad Ant didn't come back but he can do it i believe in him. Then freaking OWEN uses the swapper and it's really annoying, everyone is voting and a person being swapped out for Ant or Chrissa. It can be good but they will be easy targets. My og tribe wanted to stick together and I didn't mind if it was someone I didn't care for, like Bryan. BUt they're trying to switch it to like the ones on my tribe and nu-uh. I'm not having that Raffy. I see you literally name every Nuku except the ones on your new tribe. I want Raffy gone because it's the little things that he does that bothers me. I know he gets really pompous too and controlling. I'm sick of it and I knew others were too. The vote seems to be Raffy. Andrew made a 9 person alliance with pretty much everyone I love? So i'm down and we have majority. But Jay messed up in telling Char and she told Bryan who told Raffy. Bryan is just sketchy and arrogant too. He's like another Raffy. Now I'm worried about an advantage and who would leave if one is used to save Bryan or Raffy. I will kermit.

AND OF COURSE HERE COMES LA AND JORDAN PINES (AT THE SAME FUCKING TIME) SAYING THEY WANT TO TAKE SOMEONE OUT FROM OUR TRIBE!! I'M FUCKING WEAKKKKKKKKKK. LA thinks that Jordan Pines is someone we should look out for, and Jordan thinks that our tribe voting for Bryan or Adrien isn't a great plan, and that we should do something EXCITING since we've been "bored" this whole game, but doesn't really say WHO yet. He just agrees that it shouldn't be someone from our tribe of six. (meanwhile I'm perfectly fine doing nothing and skating by a few rounds not having to actually play the game. Maybe this is why he's ALWAYS coming double digits)....... (jk this is me too FUCK #SelfRoast). So basically, I decided to go to Andrew to talk it out with him. I really wanted to express the people I don't REALLY trust from my original tribe, and to get up to speed with who he does trust (which seems to be fucking everyone except the people who returned from outcast). I told Andrew I got some weird vibes from Rob and Raffy. Andrew said that Rob was chill and a sweetie pie... Maybe the fact that he played in Cutthroat, and came in fourth, threw me off, but fine, I'm okay with it ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. MEANWHILE I mentioned Raffy as the other person and Andrew seems to burst into hysteria saying how bad he would want Raffy to go at this tribal council, and I'm like WAIT WHAT!? I mean... I don't really trust the man, but I also wanted him to be our first boot on our tribe, and I don't want to take the risk of Chrissa coming in to replace Raffy, if we decided to vote for Raffy, so now I don't really have much time to be online, but I'm trying to make sure that nothing bad happens to Raffy since I'd rather it be ANYONE who just isn't on our tribe.. That's the only thing I wanted to happen from this round, but oh well

Ok so I hate people cuz apparently my name was getting thrown around so fuck people. I don’t know what to do tho there is just too many people. And I’m so tired. Honestly if i go to outcast island I’d probs get voted out as well.

Welp. I'm guess I'm going to get voted for doing nothing

Let's see if I got Tim to rub people the wrong way so he could get voted out instead.

I have no idea whats going on. Johnny comes to me saying everyones voting Raffy. Then goes silent. Bryan says Nukuleka isnt working as a group so I told him to vote Adrian just in case someone does flip. I’ve told Tim and Jordan what Johnny said, Tim seems confident he’s lying. If Bryan is lying and the have an idol, then good, the numbers are different and they know I want to work with them. If Johnnys telling the truth and Raffy goes then fine, I just have to make up some ground. Worst case scenario? They’re targetting me and I’m off to Outcast Island. 17 person tribals is an absolute nightmare

I’m voting Raffy, I can’t risk mine and Johnnys alliance or ruin things with og Nukuleka before they start. Sorry Tim, this time I’m flipping.

From what Carson C is saying, Tim has an idol and is playing it on Raffy. Which is TERRIFYING because they could've lied and voted any of us instead of Adrian. SO, Jordan gets the idea to tell Tim that he's getting votes. Katie volunteers to do it. And if this works I'm gonna be so shook. Katie is an icon. Johnny StocktonOkay. I'm back, and madness has ensued. Jordan Pines made a chat with me, him, Jay, Carson, Carson, Andrew, Katie, Rob and someone else I forget who, but basically saying that we all need to vote for Raffy or Bryan together, and do something exciting that no one would expect, and that the group we had was the exact right amount of people to make a blindside, and not include anyone else. I scroll through the 300 messages in this group chat and I'm like OH WOAH OKAY. Turns out everyone has said that Raffy needs to go, which I emphasized to Jordan, Jay and Andrew quite a few times that someone from our tribe should NOT be going home, which is kinda annoying me, but I'm not going to say anything about it. Andrew and Jordan are both saying "you gotta trust me" and I'm just like whatever. The only thing that annoys me is that we have SUCH a strong tribe, and I get big moves and the fun and thrill of taking out a super strong player, but why the fuck do we have to take out a strong player, who has proven time and time again he's here for putting his all into challenges, and getting us wins!??!?! (which is why our tribe won so many times) Yet NOW people wanna axe him, especially considering 5/9 people in that big alliance are from our tribe, it just doesn't make sense. I just don't want a physically inept Chrissa or Antione on our tribe, but I'm sure they'll be fine, and an easy target if they return from Outcast after Raffy gets sent there, and it seems like that's what's happening considering the vote is in 45 minutes and I have only heard that Adrien is the other vote, and I know, personally, that Raffy is going, but Stephen and Tim are kinda left in the dark on that one, and I trust them both a lot, but I've just gotta go with the group and try to not ruffle any feathers y'know? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ it is what it is. Cya Raffy. You're going too soon

Hopefully, Chrissa is still on Outcast Island so that when I go there, I can already have connections. Then there is the fact that I've basically made Tim ruin his game so hopefully that ends with him shooting himself in the foot. Let's see how things turn out, though. Even if Tim has shot himself in the foot, him coming to Outcast Island would not be a terrible thing for my game as it certainly gives me a majority.

So I might as well record something about the last 48 hours. When I thought the Snakexterminators voted out Owen, we killed whatever bag of tricks he had with him. But no. What he told me when Kaci left Outcast Island was true and I was like- that was too fucking elaborate to be a lie so I want to flush it out. Like lets do that. No. He somehow found out that myself, Katie and Antoine were gonna vote Kaci and it was a 4-1 and he was spared... Flash forward to when Chrissa joins us. The Snakexterminators we wanted to create chaos. So that it was a possible 1-1-1-1-1. Not that dramatic but like lie to Owen's face so that he won't use the power to essentially break our trio on Outcast Island apart and fuck us over. So I decided to "call out" Katie. It worked like a charm, because it ended up being a 2-1-1-1 vote, which was not the planned result but still desirable cause Owen is no longer in the game.

dk I pressed submit too early lol! Owen left. Its me, Katie, Antoine and Chrissa left and Ryan told us that one of us four with the second highest amount of votes will return to the game! Mind you it is a 1-1-1 tie between myself, Katie and Chrissa and it was also stated that if it tied, random.org was gonna be in play. The luck I needed Episode 2 is now deciding to work, because I get picked by the randomizer. Yay..... So the twist that came with me returning was that I get to pick someone else to return to the game with and we draw new tribes. I pick Katie ofc cause I'm closest to her on Outcast and I pretended to panic cause I only had a minute to decide.

OMG! Back with Katie and hopefully a new life in this game. I'll play it cool this time and try to go with the flow. Well, while getting my revenge on all of those who voted for me.

Made it through the big tribal! Despite the last minute freak out over Tim having an idol and other Carson throwing serious shade at them, all worked out well and Raffy went 14-3. 14-3!!! I wasn't expecting it to be that good, but good for us. Me/Willow/Rob are the core on NuPangaimotu, and hopefully we can survive until swap and meet back up with the superalliance. I feel bad for other Carson because he's on a tribe with Tim and Stephen and Bryan, who all might vote him or Charlotte out. Adrian and Raffy apparently had some beef and had each other blocked before the game which is PROBABLY why the vote ended up being between them. JD and LA are on the bottom as far as I'm concerned, but I'll keep up appearances with them. The challenge is a Brantsteele Simulator and having to match it. I just spent the last 3 hours doing that and I feel like I'm about to die because I didn't even get a perfect score after all that. 360/410 is pretty good though, and I hope the rest of my tribe does good! Yeah, that's pretty much it. I feel like the strategy on this tribe will be.. relatively stagnant, which is a big change from Nukuleka. Goal right now is to survive and ride the wave to merge or the next swap.

Hey, sorry I didn't make a confessional during the actual round. I had a bad day but I'm here now! We swapped tribes and I got the BEST tribe. Jordan, Katie, Andrew, Raffy, and Johnny. We're strong and shouldn't be losing anything. However, fucking OWEN releases an ugly twist where all 17 people have to vote for one person to replace either Antoine or Chrissa. (Spoiler alert: THANK GOD IT WAS ANTOINE) My basic goal of this vote was to make sure that no original Nukuleka members left this vote. I completely trust every single remaining member of that tribe and if I can help it, I want none of them to leave before the merge. (Bryan's on thin ice though.) For this vote I was added to two alliances. One for my immediate tribe, consisting of Johnny, Jordan, and Andrew. And another alliance for deciding the vote, consisting of my tribe's alliance, plus Carson C., Carson K., Willow, Rob, and Katie. I'm hoping all of us make the merge and I can start really dominating this game. The vote was between Bryan and Raffy, and while both are unfortunate, I was more willing to give up Raffy. So that's what happened. Bryan obviously didn't like that the vote was Raffy, so he told me that he was gonna try to flip it. So in case of idols and such, I threw out the name of the person I want out the most: Adrian. He voted for me, he played an advantage to vote for me a SECOND TIME, so he needs to go right back to Outcast Island. The time will come :) I feel like I have a lot of power in this game. I really do think I was one of the only people on Nukuleka to have multiple strategic conversations with Charlotte. She's super great and if she trusts me, LA and JD will be more likely to trust me. Obviously I'm not playing for fourth, so I'm not gonna go too far with them, but the safety for the first few merge votes will be crucial. I plan on going to the final two with Carson K. since he is my unrivaled closest ally. I hope all goes well.

So Tim is playing an odd game. He was very obvious what he was up to right before the vote, and it really disappointed me that he chose Raffy over me and the rest of Pangaimotu. What is worse is that he told Raffy about my half of the superidol, and assumed I had told other people. This are unsalvagable with him, and I would like to vote him out next given the chance. However. His strange behaviour might mean he has an idol, and he’d be nuts not to use it if we go to tribal. And tbh I trust Bryan more than Carson C at the moment, so the most likely scenario if we go to tribal is the old Nukuleka tribe members and I vote Carson, while being coy enough that Tim thinks we’re voting him but not obvious enough that he will catch on. Of course this all depends on whether we lose immunity. And with this challenge god knows what will happen next.

Raffy is gone it sucks so much! And plus this challenge is UGLY!! So catch me on outcast island maybe fjsksksks.

Okay, so Raffy's gone and I'm PISSED!! I'm not mad that Raffy is gone entirely, I came to terms with that happening, but what I'm EXTREMELY PISSED with is Stephen and Tim! Not gonna lie.... Johnny made an oopsies and decided that I wanted to be a good ally to Stephen and Tim, and tell them that they might want to change their vote.. Moreso Stephen than Tim since y'know, Stephen and I have a f2 and all, so I didn't really want him to be blindsided and think I didn't trust him AND THEN us not be able to speak to each other since we were being thrown on opposite tribes right after tribal. So right.. I trust Stephen, and I spill it a bit to Tim too, but nothing too major, and then Jordan comes to me, maybe 35 seconds later and he's like "Johnny I don't know what you're doing, but stop." And I'm just like wtf are you talking about, and then he's basically like "Stephen said that you told him that Raffy is going home and now him and Tim are freaking out, because apparently you told Tim too, so wtf" And that's where I lost my mind. I had messages from Stephen and Tim from right before tribal, and I completely ignored them. Those are two people who I knew would be free agents once we hit merge, and I knew i'd want on my side, and they'd be unexpected players, but ffs Stephen and Tim both partially screwed me, because Jordan called me out on exactly what I was doing, and now I'm not in the BEST spot, and I really need Jordan. Also, LUCKILY we didn't get Chrissa (since she's not the BIGGEST fan of me), and we got Antoine, who seems a bit stronger in challenges, at the same time, and he's a bit more like me I think. So now we've got Antione on our tribe, along with Katie, who was ALSO on Outcast Island, and they both made it to the point where they returned to the game, so they must've been working together that whole time, so they're probably close, and now Jordan and I are technically the only people from my old tribe who are in a definitive minority, and I'm NOT happy about it. I hope it doesn't come back to bite us in the butt, but I know I've got Andrew who is going to protect me, and hopefully I can get that relationship going with Jay too, and then if Jordan is still with me, he claims that Katie is going to be 100% with him, which may even scare Andrew and Jay at some point, and may want one of those two out, before they come for me.. idk. I'm just annoyed at this position I'm in. I'm sure I'm going to make it out of this tribe, and to the merge, but I'm just not a happy camper right now, and I'm not trying to get sent to outcast island. I hope this tribe can begin a challenge domination and never let it go. That's my hope at this point. I've got a solid footing, but still a lot of work to do. I wish Stephen the WORST of luck on his new tribe. If he doesn't go home before merge, I'll make SURE he's the first merge boot after being an idiot and taking what I told him and running to Jordan Pines with it (facepalm)

Toeing the line in challenges is hard. I want to do good to seem helpful, but not too good to be a threat. I want to seem like I want to win to not become a target, but I also dont mind losing so I can vote Tim out. Although I have realised something just now writing this. If I send Tim to Outcast Island that puts him and Raffy back together, and when they go to tribal if they have the majority theres a good chance if one or both of them returningto the game. I can’t even comfortably vote Carson C out because he will be betrayed by me and more likely to work with Raffy than the original Nukuleka people. To be honest it would be safer to win immunity untill Raffy and Tim wouldn’t have the majority, and then vote them out. Sigh, this game is nuts yo.

And this is why we shouldn't have voted out Raffy.... Now we're going to tribal council and I want NO part in it. I'm actually fuming with how mad I am. I guess the easy vote is going to be Antoine, but I'm not even sure I want that to happen

WOOO BITCHES LATE UPDATE BUT I SURVIVED THAT UGLY JOINT TRIBAL AND SENT RATFY PACKING!!! Oops. I really wanted to work with him but I heard he was one of the people who threw my name out so he had to gooooo. But yea. I go back to my swapped tribe. We have the icon Charlotte. I feel like I’ll be able to work with her easily. I’ve also been able to have good conversations with Stephen and Tim as well. Carson C is a work in progress. But anyways. We have this brantsteele challenge. It can choke but out of everyone in the games scores I got second so that’s cool. AND O YEA OUR TRIBE GOT SECOND PLACE AND WE GOT IMMUNITY! That’s such a relief tbh cuz I did not need more stress after the joint tribal. So yea. Bryan signing off!

OMG RYAN SAID HE MADE A MISTAKE! WE MIGHT NOT LOSE BryanNVM RYANS A FUCKING DUMBASS AND DID THE RESULTS WRONG SO WE FUCKING LOST AND NOW WE GOTTA FUCKING VOTE SOMEONE OFF WHAT THE FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

Ok so me and Charlotte have devised a plan. So Charlotte was telling me that apparently Stephen and Tim have beef from the joint tribal and that we should try to side with one of them. However Carson c did really bad at the challenge so I suggested to her we get the target on him and then after he is voted out and we end up going to tribal again if we lose, me and Charlotte will have the choice between Tim and Stephen. Woo! We love strategic icons!!

i just singlehandedly won the challenge for my tribe. why can't i just throw a challenge or not do too good because then im gonna be a threat at merge and UGH. like it'll make them indebted to me if they DO see im a good challenge performer rn but I DONT NEED THAT. i dont know. i feel like throughout this game, i haven't really... been having fun? I feel like I've been kinda stuck up and boring and all strategy based (probably because of the many tribals) so I'm gonna try and do some more stuff like watch shows with people and have a good time because i think that's important in games because otherwise... why am i playing? (other than to WIN of course.) ---- i got a disadvantage in the reward! rip! rob got nothing, but he found a house with an empty chest so something was already found. (Also Carson sent me "tim's idol location" (tim might not even have an idol) during the joint tribal and it was damp and probably at the cave) other than that... i think i said this in my last confessional that it's pretty much smooth sailing for me right now? yeah. work on social bonds with adrian/jd/la (jd/la are.. barely on to talk to) and just ride out me/willow/rob. trying to rock the UTR until merge. hopefully carson and charlotte can get bryan on their side and vote out one of tim/stephen on hufangalupe.

So we lost because of my stupid orb. Damn. So now I have to decide between voting with Nukuleka and voting for Tim, but risk an idol. Or I could vote Carson and completely betray Pangaimotu. Or I could vote with Tim, try and pull Carson, and vote out Charlotte who did worse in the challenge. Right now I’m leaning towards voting Tim, not just because he betrayed me but because I’m not sure if Carson is also working with Nuku.

I'm sad that Tim's tribe lost immunity, since it could mean he will be joining me in Outcast Island. However, this is a good thing for my life on this island because that means a definite ally will join. Hopefully, I can get Chrissa to join my side as well so we can take out anyone who comes into the island. If Adrian thinks this is his turf, he's wrong. Because I'm making this island my bitch.

As dangerous and stressful as this is its so nice to be on a small tribe. Less votes to manipulate, less variables. I’m trying to mastermind this bitch. It may bring me out of the shadows but i can slip back in hopefully after merge, hide behind whatever alliance bryan and charlotte can bring me.

If I play this right Tim will go home 3-0 after a 2-2-1 split with Carson C. If I playing it really well Carson might not even know I knew about the split and I can still have an option there. That being said I do feel closer to the OG Nuku atm. Carson actually had known me and still left me out of the Raffy vote, so idk what he thinks of me.

Ok so. Me and Charlotte are in an amazing position rn. So I had all three of these guy(stephen, Tim, Carson) messaging me within a 30 minute time period. And I’m like o my lord these boys are bugging. But the main thing is Stephen comes up with this wonderful plan to split the votes between Tim and Carson with me, char and Tim voting Carson and Carson and Stephen voting Tim. Like. First of all. Me and Charlotte don’t have to get it hands dirty and playing hard. Second of all, we get rid of our weakest comp link on our tribe in Carson C. Third of all, Tim will be pissed at Stephen so if we do end up going to tribal those two will be the targets. Lol. I love manipulating men!!

Bryan told Tim he’s voting Carson C, which is annoying. Now Tims voting Carson, who will go home with three. So I’ve asked Charlotte to vote Tim so without and idol Tim still goes home. This is risky though because if they think I’m too controlling they could flip to me :/

So with this round, either Carson or Tim is going to go home. I think from a game perspective it would be better to send Tim out but Bryan really wants to send home Carson. Ya girl don't care as long as it isn't her.

The most hilarious thing to me is how the tables have turned. I foremerly voted in the minorit but am now the swing vote at a tribal where I thought I was a gonner. Either I can vote with Carson and Stephen or Bryan and or Charlotte. Game on. I hope this isnt all one big ruse.

So Stephen wants Carson as of now and honestly I agree but for a different reason. Stephen wants Carson out because he wants to get rid of Nukeleka on outcast island which i think is not a good reason but whatever . I personally want him gone because A. He voted out Raffy. B. Everyone else voted out Raffy. C. The other two are better at challenges and honestly thats all that matters. E. HE TURNED ON RAFFY. ILY RAFFY. F. I'm totally strategic I promise.

OMG WE WON AND THE TRIBE I WANTED TO GO TO TRIBAL IS GOING TO TRIBAL BECAUSE I DON'T GIVE A *FUCK* ABOUT ANYONE ON THAT TRIBE (BECAUSE OF LAST PLACE) EXCEPT FOR CARSON WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! Prays for Carson

LMAO CYA TIM! Have fun on Outcast! Next up is Stephen!! whew

So plan changed. Tim is getting voted out. I’m sad cuz I liked him. But it’s gonna be a 3-2 vote so if he is safe I can say I saved him.

I meant to post this a while ago but it took a while to upload:

https://drive.google.com/open?id=1yONyIWKuiOlvOTV6S8RvWtuFD_8BfAD0 Since then I’ve talked to Charlotte and she said Carson is lying, but idk who to believe. For now my plan is to try not to go to tribal till I can corroborate Carsons story with people like Andrew and Jordan. When it comes to Bryan I won’t trust him as much as I could have, but I’m not targetting anyone on this tribe atm.

#sdutongatapu

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